Daily News March 30

Today in history:

In 1870, the 15th Amendment was passed giving all men, regardless of colour, the right to vote.  

In 1885, Texas becomes a state…again.

In 1964, Jeopardy! airs on TV for the first time.

In 1981, President Regan was shot and seriously wounded by John Hinkley Jr.

In 2004, the Queen Mother died peacefully in her sleep at age 101

Spearhead
A man in Rio de Janeiro is recovering nicely after a very intricate and dangerous surgery to remove a spear from his head.  The man was spear fishing when he shot himself in the head by accident.  The spear ricocheted off a rock and entered the man’s head just above his left brow.  Doctors say it was a one in a million wound because it missed all major parts of the brain.  The man will recover with no side effects or brain damage.

Truly amazing.  If I shot myself in the head with a spear, I’d probably die from freaking out.  Can you imagine walking down the beach and seeing this man run up to you with a giant spear hanging out his forehead, like, “Help me, help me!”  I’d be like, “That looks like it hurts.”

Chez de Toilette
A Washington inmate is in solitary confinement after he almost burnt down the prison he was in.  Ironically, he was not trying to escape by fire; he was trying to cook a sausage that he had bought from the prison store…in his toilet.  Authorities haven’t released exactly how he tried to light the sausage, they only state that the man lit up the sausage in the toilet and it caused a huge fire.  Inmates had to be evacuated to the cafeteria for their safety.  That part of the prison has been closed down for repairs.

Let’s take a look at this.  This is wrong on so many levels.  You buy a sausage and you want to heat it, and you proceed to do so…in your toilet?  Do you have any idea how unsanitary that is?  Who cooks in their toilet?  Who eats out the toilet, period?  Maybe he thought the heat would kill any germs.  I didn’t know that sausage a la protozoa was such a delicacy.  I wonder if the man ate his sausage before they had to rescue him from his burning cell.

Three Time’s a Charm
A Washington woman on vacation is Wisconsin has been arrested and confined to jail for 30 days after she was caught THREE times for drinking and driving in a 72 hour period.  On the first day, the woman was seen climbing out of a ditch with one shoe after she wrecked her car.  Her blood alcohol was .21 (the legal limit is .08), which means she was trashed.  Not just trashed, but trashed.  She was arrested and released.  The very next day she got her car stuck in a snow embankment at an campground that was closed for the winter.  The woman told the cops that she had had 4 to 6 cups of wine.  “I’m still finishing up the box of wine I had from yesterday,” was her exact comment.  Police found a box of Black Fox wine half-empty in the passenger seat.  She spent 12 hours in jail after that incident and was released.  On the third day, witnesses reported a woman as “driving all over the road.”  When she was pulled over, police found a partial bottle of wine in the car.  Her blood alcohol was .16.  Now the woman is arrested and must spend 30 days in jail.

So, you think that spending 30 days in jail is going to help?  Obviously the woman is a classic alcoholic.  Who gets a DUI three days in a row?  Why isn’t her license suspended?  Why isn’t someone taking away her keys?  This woman is obviously a plague to society and cannot be trusted.  The fact that this happened three times is actually disturbing to me.  Thankfully, no one was injured in any of her mishaps, but the stupidity of this situation just floors me.  Three times trashed.  Her blood alcohol was almost three times the legal limit the first time.  She was practically comatose, but she was driving a car!  Then she had the nerve to tell the cops, “I haven’t even finished that box of wine yet.”  Somehow, I don’t think she cares, and it’s obvious nobody else does since they let this woman back on the street.  Obviously, I will not be visiting Wisconsin any time soon since they let drunks on the road without a thought.

When Animals Attack
A bobcat walked into a bar…and attacked several patrons.  Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but a wild bobcat really did randomly walk into a bar in Arizona and began attacking the patrons.  Witnesses say that everyone began screaming and running out the bar when the cat entered.  Bobcats are about the same size as cougars, and they get particularly vicious when they’ve been annoyed or they’re hungry.  Several victims were taken to hospitals to recover.  No one was killed.  Authorities believe this is the same bobcat that cornered a woman outside a Pizza Hut earlier that week.

So, apparently, the bobcat was pissed that he hadn’t been invited to the party, so he decided to crash it.  I would freak out if I’m in a bar, sitting and chilling, enjoying a beer and a damn wild cat just walks in and starts slashing everybody.  I’d be like, “Yeah, this party has gone to the animals.  I’m out.”

Get’em While You Can
Starting Wednesday, the tax on tobacco products will significantly increase.  The tax on cigarettes will go from 39 cents to 1.01 a box.  Chewing tobacco will go from 19 cents to 50 cents.  The tax hike is being used to pay for a health care expansion to include health insurance for children.  The increase is expected to raise $33 billion.  Approximately 1 in 5 Americans smokes and there are 443,000 premature deaths related to smoking, according to the CDC.  Smoking equates to about $193 billion in health care expenses every year.

Of course, there are always opponents to everything.  Some people say we shouldn’t tax the few Americans that do smoke for the greater good of everybody else, but everything is a choice.  You don’t have to smoke.  Some people say they’ll quit smoking if it gets too expensive, but the die hard people seem to not mind that a pack a day habit costs them like $50.00 a week.  That’s their business, but then, good thing we don’t live in Britain.  They want to put a tax on chocolate for their health care expenses.  That’s just wrong!

Joke’s On You!

Supposedly on April 1 a deadly computer virus will be unleashed on the world.  No one knows exactly what will happen, but there’s rumours going around on the internet about a master computer taking over other computers and disabling them.  I remind everybody to be careful of email attachments.  Don’t accept anything from anybody you don’t know.  If it looks suspicious, just toss it.  Make sure your anti-virus stuff is up to date.  

Birthdays:  Celine Dion, MC Hammer, Tracey Chapman, Norah Jones, and Eric Clapton

Thought of the day:  If men could foresee the future, they would still behave as they do now.  ~Russian Proverb

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