Daily News April 1

Today is Wednesday, 1 April
Today in history:

In 1929, the yo-yo was introduced in the United States.

In 1945, the United States invaded Okinawa, Japan

In 1970, President Nixon signed a law banning cigarette ads on TV and radio.

In 1984, Marvin Gaye was shot by his father who plead guilty to manslaughter charged and received probation for his troubles.

In 1987, President Regan declared AIDS public enemy number one.

In 2003, Jessica Lynch was rescued.

All in the Family
They say that alcoholism is a disease that runs in the family.  An Indiana boy was arrested on DUI charges after he was caught doing 73 in a 60 miles per hour zone.  He blood alcohol tested .17, more than twice the legal limit and way over the zero tolerance for someone who is only 19.  The police called his father only to discover that the father was being arrested on drunk driving charges as well.  His blood alcohol was .10.  They were both arrested and spent a night in jail.

Maybe they should enrol in rehab, see if they can get two-for-one.

Barstool From Hell
An Ohio man has been charged with a DUI after he crashed his motorised barstool.  The barstool can get up to a whopping 38 miles per hour.  It is made up from parts of a lawnmower.  The man admitted to having 15 beers before crashing the contraption.  He is charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated, but he says he is not guilty and he wants a trial.

He should on trial for driving around a lawnmower-slash-barstool.  Who would even think those two go together?  Obviously, a drunk.

What Goes Around
A California IRS agent has been indicted on fraud charges after it was discovered that he was cheating on his taxes.  The man is an agent who audits others, usually trying to glean where they have cheated on their own taxes.  The man sold a piece of proeprty with a profit of $48,000, but he claimed on his taxes that he was at a $4200 loss.  When he was audited, it was found that he had cheated the government out of $14,000 in taxes.  If convicted, he could spend up to 3 years in jail.

This just goes to show that the system is so complex that even an IRS auditor couldn’t figure out how to cheat the system.  I wonder if they’ll put him in prison with people he’s audited.  That would be interesting.

Free Ride
A Jetblue employee thought he was taking a lazy afternoon nap in Boston, but instead he was on a flight to New York.  The man fell asleep in an empty cargo liner, which was later packed in the airplane’s pressurised hold.  When the man woke up, he was airborne and immediately called for help using his cell phone.  When the plane touched down in New York, he was investigated and determined that he was not a terrorist threat.  So far, he has not been charged but Jetblue will continue to investigate.

He might not be charged, but he’ll probably get fired.  Sleeping on the job?  Tsk.  Tsk!

An Arm and a Leg
An Iowa man had to give up his prosthetic leg after it was found that he stole it.  In an unrelated incident, the man was arrested on drug charges for selling methamphetamines.  While he was being booked, the police found a warrant for his arrest for theft.  He had stolen his prosthetic leg.  The man told the cops that when he got fitted for the leg, the people told him to go out and walk around on it, make sure it fit properly.  He never returned, and they had never collected any insurance or payment information from him.  He just walked off with the leg.  Now he’s in jail on drug charges, however, the police have confiscated the leg and returned it to the store.

That’s actually pretty sad.  Get arrested for drugs, get your leg taken away from you.  Wow.

Thought of the day:

A rolling stone gathers no moss.  ~French proverb


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