Daily News April 8

Today is Wednesday, April 8, 2009. 
This is the 98th day of the year, and there are 267 days to go.
Today in History:

563 B.C., Buddha, the founder of Buddhism is born.
In 1973, Pablo Picasso died in France at age 91.
In 1974, Hank Aaron  hit his 715th home run, surpassing Babe Ruth’s record.
In 1990, Ryan White died of AIDS at age 18.
In 1994, Kurt Cobain committed suicide at age 27.

High Flying Suicide Attempt
A Turkish-born Canadian man is under arrest after he stole a small plane from a training school in Canada.  The man was taking flying lessons, so he had access to the planes.  The instructors at the school described the man as open,  friendly and very nice.  They were quite surprised to learn that he had stolen one of their planes in a bizarre suicide attempt that led him into American airspace via Michigan.  His abrupt actions cause NORAD to scramble figher jets to take the plane down.  At first, the man acted like he didn’t even notice them, but then he acknowledged their presence.  They flew around the upper midwest for several hours before the man landed on a dirt road in Missouri.  He parked the plane under a bridge to conceal it, then hitch hiked to a grocery store down the road.  The man who picked him up gave him $2 for food and drink.  When he was caught, he was casually sitting in a grocery store, drinking a Gatorade, smiling calmly like he didn’t have a care in the world.  Police say he was extremely cooperative, like he knew they were coming for him.  He answered all questions calmly and politely, and he did not resist arrest.  The man admitted that he was suicidal and that he was hoping the fighter jets would shoot him down.  He had been seeing a srhink who described him as “not himself” lately.  He was arraigned on stolen property charges and illegally entering the US.  There are also charges he will face in Canada.

Okay, I know we all have our problems, but sheesh, is it that serious that yo uwould steal a plane, fly into the United States in the hope that an F-16 will shoot you down?  You couldn’t htink of a less extravagant way to die?  That is why there are pills, guns and the tried and true method of just hanging yourself.  This is clearly a person who did not want to die, beause true suicidal people don’t steal an aircraft and go on a mile high joyride in American airspace.  Even though we’re post-9/11 and we’ll shoot down a bald eagle if we think its about to commit an act of terrorism, this is also about to be post-Guantanamo.  We don’t necessarily want you to die straight away; we need you alive for our torture investigations.  We want to make sure that i fyou are a terrorist, we want to know who you’re working for and what you were planning to do.  He should have known that he wasn’t going to die since he flew around for seven hours all over the upper midwest.  The report that stated that he was in Michigan and Wisconsin before landing in Missouri.  I cannot imagine that he would believe we would think a small single engine aircraft would do a lot of damage to anything in Wisconsin, what with all those dairy farm and stuff, although his flight did cause panic in the capital and resulted in an evacuation of the capitol buildings.  Then the guy had the nerve to be mad cheesin’ in his mug shot.  I do believe that he is not wrapped right, but I’m also going to stray into a “conspiracy theory” and take a guess that he was probing.  Terrorists cannot take over commercial jets anymore.  People just don’t go for that type of thing anymore.  But what about small aircraft?  It won’t have as big an impact as a 747 slamming into a building, but what if?  How easy is it to fly into the US undetected?  How long before someone comes looking for me?  How long before they shoot me down?  He got caught, now he’s claiming he’s suicidal and acting like a lunatic, so he can spend a few months in a pysch ward, get out and then go tell his sleeper cell just how far you can go before you get caught.  Oh, you think you’re so slick, don’t you?  I’m onto you.

Hello, 911?  Part 5
Once again we have yet another waste of a human being abusing the 911 system.  Need I remind my readers that the 911 emergency system is for emergencies, like car accidents, burglaries and medical incidents.  It is not to notify the police tha tyou do not have enough shrimp in your fried rice.  A Texas woman called 911 to ask the oeprator, “to get a police officer up here, what has to happen?”  She was told that she needed an emergency, but the woman responded that there wasn’t enough shrimp in her rice that she had just ordered.  “He didn’t even put extra shrimp in here,” she said.  By the time the cops arrived, the woman had gone.  So obviously, it was not that big a deal.  The owner of the restaurant stated he did not give her a refund because she left with the food, came back to complain but didn’t have the food with her. 

A lot of cities fine people who abuse the 911 system, but really they need to start putting people in jail over this nonsense.  Lack of chicken mcnuggets and shrimp are not emergencies.  Then there’s the case of a man in San Francisco who owes the city infinity dollars in fines because he called the 911 operatore more than a 1000 times in a few week period.  They have a system that fines you for every bogus call and the fine doubles and triples for each incident.  I tried to calculate what the man’s fine would be, but my calculator would not compute that high.  His excuse was that since the system was free, he should call as many times as he wants.  He never even said anything to hte operas, he would just dial 911 and breathe into the phone like a moron.  Don’t these people have anything better to do?  You don’t have a job?  A hobby?  Some other way of spending your time?  Seriously?  I mean, seriously.  Get a life already.

What Had Happened Was
A Wisconsin man is under arrest on arson charges after he set his apartment on fire causing extensive damage to the entire building and making 11 of his fellow tenants homeless.  The man claimed that he was cleaning his apartment with gasoline and didn’t realise that a cigarette tossed into gasoline-soaked cushions would cause a major structure fire.  Reportedly, the man said, “I knew gasoline was flammable, and I shouldn’t have used it.”  D’uh~  After he doused the apartment with gasoline in a “cleaning frenzy” he then threw a lit cigarette into a pile of clothes and cushions that were completely soaked.  The place went up like a Roman candle.  Then he didn’t even bother to pull the fire alarm; he just shouted, “fire,” a few times as he walked down the street to the police department so he could get an ambulance because he had been burnt.  The building was severely damaged and the other residents are now homeless.

What kind of brainless mutant would clean his apartment with gasoline?  This doesn’t even begin to make natural sense.  That is why Jesus invented stuff like 409, Spray’n’Wash and other cleaners….to clean.  furthermore, how is dousing your clothes and couches cleaning?  I don’t know about anybody else, but I put my clothes in a washing machine with laundry detergent, not gas.  The man is obviously mentally unstable if he didn’t realise that a lit cigarette in an apartment dripping in gas wouldn’t cause a major disaster.  It is bad enough that his neighbours are now homeless and have lost pretty much everything they own, but what if someone had been seriously injured or killed because of his sheer stupidity?  I don’t believe for one second the man “didn’t realise” it would be a problem.  I think he did this shit on purpose because something was obviously going on in his brain.  He has a complete lack of concern for other people and their property because he was casually strolling down the street, mumbling, “fire, fire, fire,” as the building burnt to the ground.  But he wanted to be treated for his own burns.  They should have beat him back into the burning building like they did those girls in Saudi Arabia.  What is wrong with people?

Three Strikes
A German woman is lucky to have survived three car accidents in one hour.  The first accident occurred when she smashed into several vehicles as she was trying to leave a supermarket.  A few minutes later, she accidentally  hit the accelerator, sped across a lawn and smashed into the side of someone’s house.  When the ambulance came to get her for her minor injuries, the ambulance was hit by a truck.  The woman wasn’t seriously injured in any of the accident.

I think someone is out to get his lady.  Three accidents in one hour?  You ever heard of Final Destination?  You can run, but you can’t hide.

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