Misadventures of the Village Idiot #35

My weekend started off kind of slow, and I thought it was going to be a lame weekend.  It turned out to be more entertaining than I thought.

Friday
I didn’t go to Ascension Friday because I just didn’t feel like driving anywhere.  I wish I had a magical transporter so I could just appear wherever it is I wanted to be.  I wanted to go dancing, but the thought of driving all the way up there and driving all the way back turned me off.  Instead I had a Star Trek marathon.  My poor TiVo is just overloaded with Star Trek and Law and Order episodes because of my vacation to Chicago the week before. 

I decided I would go to bed early so I could wake up early, hit the gym and then go shop my life away.  I didn’t spend nearly as much as I thought I would spend in Chicago and this money is just burning a hole in my pocket.

So I finish watching the episode where Troi magically gets pregnant and the kid is born, grows up and dies within the space of 15 minutes, then I turn out the lights and go to sleep. It’s like 11:15.  Five seconds later, I hear loud blaring music.  Why did my upstairs neighbours just randomly decide to have an impromptu party for their baby who just turned one?  Oh, happy birthday, now shut the fuck up.

I guess they figured since it’s Friday night, who cares, but the fact that I felt like I wanted to sleep and they wanted to party annoyed me. 

Now I know why I was sleeping in my living room all last summer.  Their dining room is over my bedroom and they were in there dancing a goddamn jig, so I moved into the living room where it’s much quieter.

Still annoyed about that.

Saturday
Okay, Saturday morning I woke up with the express intention of going to the gym. I even woke up at a decent time, got dressed and drove all the way to the gym.  I even went inside the gym and got on a treadmill.  I was in there for about 15 minutes and I was like, “Hmm, I’m hungry.”  I usually eat breakfast but I don’t like eating before hitting the gym, and for some strange reason I was just starving.  So I left the gym and went to the diner around my way.  I even went back home to get a book so I could sit in the diner and read.

I haven’t read anything in ages.  I’m beginning to feel like some kind of backwoods hillbilly, the kind of person who uses a book for toilet paper.  I sat in the diner for about 2 hours reading, until I realised the lady was like, “Can you leave, please?  Other people want to sit down, too.  Thanks.” 

Then I got on the phone with Saint-Felix for like an hour, talking about everything under the sun.  It’s her birthday week and even though she’s not going on an extravaganza like I did, she’s planning on really doing it up for her 21st.  She said she had never been to Tyson’s Corner or Pentagon City, so I offered to take her to Tyson’s Corner and help her shop for Sunday.

The rest of Saturday was spent lazing around my house.  I watched the Da Vinci Code again because I planned on seeing Angels and Demons.  I went out to Columbia to see the movie and it really was so good.  You know I am big into the religious, historical, political stuff.  I want to see it again because I just really liked it.

But let me tell you what my pet peeve is:  people who are late or unprepared but expect you to make arrangements for them because they can’t get it together.

The movie started at 545.  I got there at 520.  I want the perfect seat.  I want to be able to stop at some snack place so I can sneak my snacks in.  I want to watch the previews and read the dumb movie trivia in the advertisements before the movie starts.

Granted, I was so early nobody was in there, but as time wore on the little theatre started filling up.  An Asian woman came and sat next to me.  There was an empty seat next to her, and there was an empty seat next to me.  Next to my empty seat was a Hispanic couple and next to her empty seat was a whole bunch of white people.

Two super ghetto African women showed up just as the movie was starting.  They asked the Hispanic people if they could move down so the two women could sit together.  The Hispanic guy was like, “No, we don’t like sitting close to other people.”  Then they came over to me and asked if I could move to the empty seat next to the Asian woman so they could sit together.

I was like, “No, I don’t want to.”

The movie is already starting and my seat already has my particular brand of butt warmth, No I don’t want to move.

She was like, “But we won’t be able to sit together.”

“Yes, you can, all those empty seats right there in front of the screen, the ones that everybody hates but if you show up late that’s what you get.”

“I don’t understand why you can’t move over?”

Okay, the movie is already like five minutes into it.  People are like, “Can you shut up?”

“Can you please move over?”

“No, I got here 20 minutes early so I can pick the seat I want.  If you take your watch off CP time and stop thinking the world revolves around you, maybe you and your friend would have been able to sit next to each other.  Sorry for your luck.”

Then she made this big show of acting all depressed.  She stood there, huffing and puffing for like a minute.  “I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Look, hoe…. ”  Right when I started to cuss her out, she finally walked back into the aisle with her friend.  “I guess we can’t sit next to each other.”

Oh well!

The white people had a vacant seat in the middle of their group and they offered to move down so the two African women could sit together.  I was kind of annoyed… why would you have a vacant seat in the middle of your group and why did you let it get to the point where the movie has been on for like 10 minutes and people are disturbed by all this talking going on?

Whatever.  They sit down, and why does the one woman take her shoes off and prop her feet up on the back of the chair that someone was sitting in?

Do you really want feet in the back of your head?

I’m done.

Went to the club.  Band night.  Ugh.  Red This Ever.  Stupid name, but they are very popular around here and they did well.  They didn’t make me want to commit suicide.  I didn’t like DJ Umbris.  I always like Vlad and I always like Liebchen.  I didn’t want to stay out too late because I planned on hitting the mall with SF early in the morning.

Sunday
I got up early to eat breakfast so I could be ready by the time SF got to my house.  we drove all the way out to Tyson’s Corner for a day of tomfoolery and bank-burning. 

It was an enjoyable day out, except for a few weird things which I will not get into at this time.

She said she was having trouble at her job because her co-workers think she dresses too provactively.  I can really believe this statement because she doesn’t really have a sense of propriety.  Even though she’s been working for quite some time, she’s in a different sphere and just doesn’t know enough about the situation to work with it.

I also think it’s serious jealousy on the part of her co-workers.  SF is very young, very cute, and very attractive.  She has the type of body that women would starve themselves for.  She could pretty much wear a potato sack and still look good.  I think many of her co-workers express their jealousy by telling her that she’s too skanky for the office, when in all actuality she probably just needs to wear a jacket with some of her blouses or a little longer skirt.

She told me that a guy in her office said something too.  I said he’s probably gay or he’s guilty because he has a fat wife at home with two kids that aren’t his. 

Anyway, we shopped our life away for about five hours, had lunch in an Asian bistro, then we headed home, but for some reason we didn’t really see the need for the day to end.  So we went to Columbia to do some bargain basement shopping since we just spend mad money on mall clothes.  We spent another two hours in the discount stores, and we were hungry again so we went to Sakura’s.

She said she doesn’t get to eat sushi a lot and didn’t know a lot about it anyway, so I schooled her on the deliciousness of raw fish.  Then we sat in Sakura’s until it was almost dark. 

We both agreed that we should hang out more often.  We both like to talk about random things and tell bizarre stories, so it was a gab fest.  I like gab fests. 

We get back to my house and we have to finangle around in the street because my upstairs neighbours decided their one year old needed to have a BBQ in addition to the late night birthday party they gave him on Friday. 

So the weekend turned out to be way better than expected, but as always Monday looms like an outbreak.

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