Daily News October 19

Today is October 19, the 292nd day of the year with 73 to go.

Today’s History

In 1781, British troops surrendered at Yorktown, Virginia as the American Revolution neared its end.
In 1977, the supersonic Concorde made its first landing in New York City.

Today’s News

Death Race
Three runners died in this Sunday’s Detroit Free Press/Flagstar Marathon.  One man, 60 years old, fell and hit his head.  Two other men, aged 26 and 36, both collapsed in separate incidents during the race.  All three were transported to various hospitals where they were pronounced dead between 9:00am and 9:20am. 

They say death travels in threes, but this is just creepy.  Marthon running ain’t for everybody.

Illegal Alien For Hallowe’en
The activists are in an uproar over a new costume idea out this year:  the illegal alien.  No, we’re not talking about dressing up as a Russian mail order bride, or an Asian seamstress, or something equally offensive yet amusing.  A company called Forum novelties is offering for Hallowe’en this year the illegal alien costume which consists of an orange jump suit ala a correctional facility and the typical green-headed alien with the huge black eyes and tiny mouth.  The jump suit is stamped with ILLEGAL ALIEN in huge block letters and the alien is carrying a green card.  The alien head also comes with a handle bar mustache and a baseball cap.  Activists began writing letters and calling retail stores that were offering the costume, begging them to remove the offending material.  Target.com had the costume but it is no longer available.  It was previously available for purchase at Walmart, Walgreens and a few other top retail stores.  No word on if they’ve pulled the item, but some stores indicated they would keep selling it because people were actually buying it.

In a country where you can buy an Octo-Mom costume with eight plastic babies attached to a belt and miniskirt, I can’t see how an illegal alien costume with a space alien mask is offensive, but I guess some people are super sensitive.  We also have people dressing up as Hitler, suicide bombers, white people walking around in Afros and blackface, black people walking around dressed like rednecks… what is the difference?  They interviewed this guy whose parents were illegal aliens with a lot of friends who were illegal aliens, and he said that his friends would be offended.  Why?  Because they are illegal aliens?  At any rate, just like anything else in this world, if you don’t like it… don’t read it, don’t talk about it, don’t subscribe to it, and don’t buy it.  That is how you exercise your rights in this country.

One For the Road
It’s not unusual to stop into a liquor store Friday evening on the way home from work to get a six pack for the weekend.  But apparently it is, if you’re a big ass black bear.  Several Wisconsin residents were shocked when a black bear wandered into a grocery store late Friday evening and calmly headed towards the beer and liquor section.  The beer opened up the beer cooler and climbed up to a top shelf and sat there for a little while, apparently very relaxed and calm.  The video footage of the incident shows the bear walking towards the beer as if this were his intention all along and he knew exactly what he was doing.  Animal control came and removed the bear without any problems, but unfortunately he did not get a chance to have a beer.

Well, isn’t that random?  I mean, he just wanted a drink.  A guy has the right have a drink after a long week of work, doesn’t he?  Everybody else gets to unwind, why not the poor black bear?  Where are his rights?

Newest Weapon of Mass Destruction
German police are conducting an investigation on a new substance so potent that it would be detrimental to the human body if ingested.  Police say the substance may intend grievous bodily harm and there should be a cause for concern if this substance is not used properly.  The substance:  hot sauce.  Police are investigating a particular hot sauce that is so spicy it could cause serious injury if used improperly.  This comes just after a fight broke out between a customer and the owner of a kebab stand in Berlin.  The customer had purchased a kebab with the fiery hot sauce, but when his hands became sticky, he asked the owner for a napkin.  The owner refused to give him one, and the customer wiped his hands on the stand.  Then the owner scooped up a ladle of the hot sauce and flung it in the customer’s face whose eyes became immediately bloodshot.  Both men could face charges.

Seriously?  I mean, seriously.  The police are investigating hot sauce because the guy got some in his eyes and they were bloodshot?  If I rub an onion on my eye, they are going to get irritated and start tearing up.  If I keep doing this, I will be temporarily blinded as my eyes become so irritated.  One could also have problems if I fling scalding hot soup on you, or beat you with a hot turkey leg, or throw a large apple at your head.  Immediately all of these items become weapons?  Perhaps this is because German food is so bland and uninteresting that anything with the slightest bit of flavour is considered a death threat.

Celebrity News

No, It Really Was a Joke
Police have determined that the Balloon Boy fiasco truly was a hoax.  After much investigation, they’ve discovered that the entire family was in on the plans to drum up media attention.  This is the same family who claimed their child might be in a flying saucer shaped helium balloon floating across Colorado, then they said the boy was hiding in the attic the whole time.  Now it’s been revealed that the boy wasn’t even in the attic!  It was more likely he was down the street playing with friends.  A physics professor tested the balloon and he determined it would not have been able to even carry the boy’s weight and fly at the same time.  Police say criminal and possibly federal charges will be brought against the family, in addition to hefty fines which include the $20,000 it cost to fly the blackhawk helicopters, the delays which resulted after Denver International Airport was closed for a few hours, the man hours of police and National Guardsmen searching from one of Colorado to the next.  Other investigation turned up the family has a history of domestic abuse.

Eviction Notice
The Material Girl may be receiving an eviction notice from her swank apartment overlooking New York’s Central Park.  Not because she can’t pay her bills, but because she is an extremely noisy neighbour according to other residents.  One woman, who lives above Madonna, is suing because she claims the artist is using the apartment as a dance and rehearsal studio.  Residents complain about loud blaring music all hours of the night, music so loud that the walls and floors shake.  The apartment board has fielded several complaints and had said they have threatened to evict her before.  Madonna said she wasn’t rehearsing in the apartment but beating up Guy Ritchie who comes to visit the kids every other weekend.

Not Wanted Here
Singer Beyonce will postpone her concert in Malaysia after the strict Muslim government cited concerns on her performance.  Like many Muslim countries, they don’t like it when western artists show up with their “sexy performances” and half-naked costumes.  In Malaysia, performers are expected to be covered from their shoulders to knees without any cleavage or other revealing parts.  At least, that their story and they’re sticking to it.  Rumour has it that no one was really interested in Beyonce coming to town, so they made up some crazy story about being religious just so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt that nobody cares about her anymore.  They said that stuff about provactive clothes because they were tired of her showing up in velvet drapes turned into cocktail dresses.

Today’s Thought

It takes a clever man to turn cynic and wise man clever enough not to.  ~Fannie Hurst

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