Daily News October 23

Today is October 23.  It is the 296th day of the year with 69 to go.

Today’s History

In 1983, 241 U.S. Service members, mostly Marines, were killed after a suicide bomber struck Beirut International Airport.
In 1995, Yolanda Saldivar was convicted of killing Tejano star Selena.

Today’s News

La-Z Drunk
A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to drunk driven charges after he was caught driving under the influence in his motorized La-Z Boy chair.  The man left a bar after drinking eight or nine beers, climbed up into his La-Z Boy and took off before running into a parked car.  He had a blood alcohol content of more than three times the legal limit but there were no serious injuries.  The La-Z Boy chair comes equipped with a converted lawn mower engine, a stereo and cupholders.

Why do people do things like this?  Do you need a motorised La-Z Boy?  Who sits around and concocts these ideas?  Hmm, what if I shove an engine into the cushions?  Wonder what will happen, and then obviously he’s a drunk, so this is just a bad idea all around.

Hey, Look What I Got
Massachusetts police are looking for two men who robbed a woman after she flashed big bucks around in a bar.  The woman came into the bar and started bragging about how she got $27,000 from an insurance claim.  She then started flashing the money around.  Later that evening, when she and her friend were leaving the bar, two men came up and robbed her.  Surprise!

D’uh!  The police shouldn’t even take this seriously.  If I were one of the cops and she told me that she had been flinging the money around in the bar, I would have packed up and left.  In these troubling economic times, people are trying to get whatever they can by any means necessary and if you are foolish enough to walk up in a bar and start showing off, then you deserve everything that you get in life.  Sorry ’bout your luck, but that money is south of the border by now. 

We Know You Meant Well But…
A South Carolina man figured that the police would not want industrial grade explosives on the street, so he thought the best idea would be to turn them in.  The man’s uncle collected explosives as a hobby:  grenades, black powder, sticks of dynamite and other ordnance.  When the uncle died, the man decided that the explosives could fall into the wrong hands, so he drove from his home to his uncle’s home 80 miles away and loaded up his truck with the explosives.  He then turned around and drove the 80 miles back to his home county to give the explosives to the police in his area, instead of just going to the police in the uncle’s neighbourhood.  When the police discovered what was in the truck, they had to shut down several streets so the bomb squad could come in and destroy the items.

It sounded like a good idea at the time, but just in case you didn’t know, you don’t really drive up and down the street with unexploded ordnance and other volatile items.  Yeah, I know dynamite needs to be triggered, but what if this man was in an accident?  With a gas truck?  With a liquid nitrogen truck?  Yay!  Fourth of July in the middle of October.  I do not believe people actually think when they come up with a good idea.

I’d Rather Be In Jail
Instead of being excited to be finally getting out of prison, a man has requested to go back to prison rather than complete his jail term on house arrest.  The Italian man was sentenced to several years in jail for illegally dumping hazardous waste but was given house arrest because of his good behaviour.  As soon as he got home, the arguments with the wife began and he decided that it was better in jail.  He went up the street to the local police station and begged for them to put him back in jail.  They did ping him for violating the house arrest conditions but his sentence was to go back home and patch things up with his wife.  He and his wife were arguing because she claimed he wasn’t paying for the upkeep of their two children.

It is kind of difficult to hold down a job while one is in jail, and even more difficult to make money when you’re on house arrest, so not sure what she expects him to do.  Granted, he probably should not have been dumping hazardous waste and he would not even be in this situation.  But let the crime fit the punishment.

Finger-Licking Free
On Monday, KFC will once again attempt to give away a free grilled chicken to promote the new menu item.  It tried twice before, but both times they were so overwhelmed that websites crashed as customers flocked to download the coupons and restaurants were flooded with angry customers trying to get a piece of chicken.  Some restaurants even ran out causing riots.  KFC promises that they will have proper staffing and adequate supplies so that you can come get your free piece of greasy chicken.  Oh wait, this one is grilled, so there’s only half the grease.

I’ve heard mixed reviews.  Some people swear by it and have taken to worshipping it.  Others say that it’s only good for buffing scuff marks out the shoes.  But I like to let my readers know when something free is available.  I figure me and the kid will go get us a piece of chicken and nibble on it a little bit each day and that will be dinner for the week.

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