Daily News October 28

Today is October 28, 2009.  It is the 301st day of the year with 64 to go.

Today’s History

In 1885, the Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbour.

Today’s News

I Don’t Work Here But…
… I was wondering what happened to my paycheck.  A New Jersey man pleaded guilty on theft charges after it was discovered he was receiving paychecks from a company he never worked for.  He interviewed for the company in 2002 and got the job, but later changed his mind.  The payroll department never removed his name and the man received steady paychecks until 2007 when auditors finally caught the mistake.  The man had received more than $470,000 in pay. 

Wow!  Why can’t something like this happen to me!  I can just sit my lazy ass at home and get a paycheck.  It’s unfortunate that he could spend up to six years in jail and he will have to pay back the money, but man, oh man, what if he never got caught!  This dude was getting paid $97,000 a year and he didn’t have to do not a damn thing.  Some people have all the luck.

Forget Checked Baggage Fees
A Norwegian man is under arrest after attempting to smuggle several animals into Norway.  The man was going through customs when officials noticed that his body was in “constant motion.”  They asked him to step aside so they could conduct a search of his person and belongings.  When the man removed his pants officials discovered 10 cans taped to his body and inside the cans were exotic rare albino geckos.  The man also had 14 socks taped to his chest.  The socks contained live royal pythons.  He also had a tarantula in his bag.  Norway does not allow reptiles as pets. 

Snakes, lizards and tarantulas, just the sort of thing that would make somebody lose their mind when they’re just trying to do their job.  Customs officials said they were horrified.  That’s not even a strong enough word.  I remember one time I was working at TSA when a man came through and a sugar glider jumped out of his shirt.  When I say I was gone… I was gone.  I think I ran all the way to the damn Delaware border I was so terrified.  Then there was the guy with the monkeys in his jacket.  That wasn’t scary though; it was just sad.

God Don’t Work Here
A Florida man is suing the Home Depot he was fired from because he was wearing a button that said “God” on it.  He had been wearing the button since March 2008, but only recently did management take offense to the button.  The button actually has a picture of the American flag on it and a line from the Pledge of Allegiance:  one nation, under God, indivisible.  The man said he started wearing the button to support a brother who is in that National Guard and will be making a second tour to Iraq shortly.  Other employees say the guy recently began reading the Bible on his lunch break. 

Not sure what the Bible and a lunch break have to do with anything, but I can see both sides here.  Yeah, we want to be all separate church and state, yeah, sure, if that’s what you want.  But then again, it is the Pledge of Allegiance, and don’t we make kids recite this most days of the week?  In fact, we force kids to do it to the point that their parents have filed suit to excuse their children from having to repeat it if they don’t want to.  It’s not like he was in the aisles proselytising to people who are looking for light fixtures, but management stated the button was too political and not at all like wearing a cross or yarmulke.  Okay, yeah, it’s political, it’s the damn PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE!  So what if I just go to Home Depot, start taking shit off the shelves and then walk out.  You might be like, “Ma’am, where is your money?  You have to pay for those things.”  I’ll just blithely reply, “Oh, I don’t have any money.  I don’t carry it.  It has all that religious stuff on it.  And since I’m the anti-christ, I don’t like to carry things that say GOD!  It offends me.  In God We Trust.”  Somehow, that won’t fly, will it?  Yeah, this is getting ridiculous. 

Today’s Thought

Truth is not introduced into the individual form without, but has within him all the time.  ~Soren Kierkegaard


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