Misadventures of the Village Idiot #39

This was a pretty good weekend.  I actually got out and did some things.  It’s so nice to do that and not be stuck in the house bored senseless all the time.

Friday
When I came from work Friday evening, I did my shopping at the Amish market like usual, then I came home to veg on the couch.  I didn’t go to the Chinese buffet like I normally do, mostly because the kid is in trouble with me and I don’t think I should take him out to dinner while he’s being an asshole.  He was completely shocked though.  He thought I was playing with him.  He was like, “Whatever, we always go to the buffet.”  Yeah, imagine his surprise when I warmed up a plate of hearty leftovers for him, then I went out and brought back some sushi for myself.  Try me and see.

After making him clean his room 12 times in a row, I relented and allowed him to watch a movie with me.  It was too cold Friday night to be bothered about going out.  I keep  meaning to check out Eclipse in Baltimore, but something just tells me I’m finished with the whole Baltimore situation.  I would rather lay on the couch and watch U-571 like that’s a film that needs to be repeated.  It’s horrible, I know, but I just like things where you blow up stuff.

Saturday
I left the kid in the firm clutches of Playstation and I took myself off to the mall to shop my life away.  Actually, I was quite well-behaved.  I only bought an eyeshadow and a pair of shoes.  SF went with me.  I’m now hired on as her personal stylist, and I’m very glad to help because the poor thing is just… le sigh… how can words even describe?  If I had her figure, oh man, I told her I would be such a slore.  That’s probably why God made me dumpy-waisted, because he knows I would act a fool if I had a body like that.  I wouldn’t want be a midgetina like she is, but I can go for a teeny ass waist.

We did Columbia, but sometimes you really need those ghetto-fabulous stores for just the right touch.  We wound up going up to the Toilet–I mean, Baltimore.  Security, no less.  Excuse me Se-CURR-ity.  I have to pronounce it the Baltimore way.  SF took me into some store called Last Stop and that was an amusement in and of itself.  I was in moderate goth and of course, SF is completely normal.  The urban guys were amused by us, probably because when we first came into the store they were playing, “Bitch, Look At My Wrist,” I swear to God that’s the title of the song.  Oh wait, no, I’m wrong.  The song is called, “Bitch, I’m the Shit.”

*sighs*  This is why I have a complex.

At any rate, when we came into the store, I was like… oh my God.  They let you play something like that in the store?  Then the guy wanted SF to try on clothes just so he could look at her body.  He picked out this hideous red dress.  “Yeah, you should try that on,” he says leeringly.  The dress was truly hideous.

And I’m sensing a horrific fashion trend.  So I see that the military look is coming into fashion, and that’s all right with me because I like that militant look, but naval fashions?  Yeah… I don’t think so.  The guy in the store wanted me to try on this weird ass sailor suit thing that made me think of something a trophy wife would wear whilst sailing with her aging husband in the Martha’s Vineyard regatta.  I was like, “Yeah, I don’t think so.”

After the mall, we hit up Barefoot Shoes and then headed home where I know the kid was starving.  I thought he would be, but apparently he was so wrapped up in Playstation he didn’t even realise that I had left in the first place.  Sike.  He was appeased, however, by the appearance of McDonald’s.  I almost never allow him to eat such things so he was too busy shoving French fries down his throat to be annoyed with me.

I took SF to Midnight with me.  I think she had a good time. She says she wants to come back with me.  I may turn her over to the dark side yet!  Because of her, more people talked to me that night than anybody ever has the entire seven years I’ve been going there.  I was amazed, and I knew it had to do with her presence more so than mine.  I’m anti-social and purposely put people off from even speaking to me. 

The reason I made her go with me was because the bellydancer was there, Asala.  She was quite talented and now I want to take belly dancing classes so I can look cool with a sword on my head too.  There was this guy there, he was such an asshole.  He wasn’t even a professional photographer.  He had a blackberry camera and he was all up in her face taking pictures.  Lots of people were taking pictures, but they weren’t jumping on stage with her.  It was like he was the paparazzi, but the thing was, he wasn’t the photographer.  It was just annoying.  There always has to be one.

Sunday
I was assed out tired from Saturday night.  I stayed out much later than I normally do.  But me, SF and Waders were supposed to go into Baltimore to have a free dinner at the expense of McCormick and Schmick’s.  It was because of the Veteran’s Day thing.  Every year a few restaurants will give us a free meal, and that’s always nice.  Usually it’s at Golden Corral but even free, Golden Corral doesn’t really do it for me. 

We had a nice time, enjoyed an expensive dinner.  Even though the main course was free, we still ordered drinks and desserts and appetisers.  Plus, I had the kid with me so my bill was like $50.  A mess.

And SF, I need you to be on time.  I sent out 200 emails saying that you need your military ID, yet you forgot your military ID.  What is going on here?  I like giving people a hard time, so Waders, next time we plan something, you’re butt better be there!!!

 

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2 responses to “Misadventures of the Village Idiot #39

  1. i’ll be there!!! i super duper promise! SATURDAY WE ARE ON!! i swear i follow your blog like the damn plague..lol. its sooooo amusing the shit that comes out of your mouth! :D

  2. Pingback: Jamison’s Writing Blog » Blog Archive » Misadventures of the Village Idiot #39 « Senseless Scribbling of …

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