Daily News December 1

Today is Tuesday, December 1, 2009.  It is the 335th day of the year with 30 days to go.

Today’s History

In 1955, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man, sparking a yearlong boycott of the buses by blacks.
In 1969, the U.S. government held its first draft lottery since World War II.

Today’s News

Forever and Ever, Amen
A web designer in California wants the state to make the ultimate sacrifice:  marriage for life.  No more divorces in California, if he gets his way.  He says since the state outlawed gay marriages, then the state should outlaw divorce.  Californians voted no on gay marriage because they wanted to preserve the sanctity of marriage.  If this is the case, then voters should have no problem voting no on divorce, since divorce definitely does NOT preserve the sanctity of marriage.  In order to raise money and awareness of the potential vote, he is selling t-shirts for $12.  The t-shirts feature a man and woman stick figure shackled at the wrist.  It will be difficult to actually see such a law passed.  Only a few countries in the world ban divorce, and even those allow annulments.  Even religious leaders state that disallowing divorces would be “impractical.”  According to statistics provided by the National Center for Health, the U.S. divorce rate is 47.9 per cent.

I think it sounds like an excellent idea.  If gay people can’t get married because people want to preserve the beautiful, if misguided, notion of marriage, then nobody should be allowed to get divorced.  So many people take marriage frivolously these days.  You meet somebody on Monday.  You date until Wednesday.  Thursday night you get married and Saturday afternoon you’re filing for divorce.  Where’s the preservation in such a holy unity?  But gay people, who are fighting so hard for their rights, can’t get married.  Gay people would probably stay married longer since they have to go through so much crap just to get there in the first place.  Everyone goes around talking about how important marriage is, how sacred and all that jazz.  If it is so holy, then why should divorce be allowed?  Why end something that is supposedly from God?  Your words, not mine.

Dedicated Employee
A Miami woman has been arrested on bomb threat charges after she tried her best to help her boss make his flight.  The woman called the Miami International Airport and told them there was a bomb on an American Airlines plane.  She was hoping the delay caused by an investigation would leave enough time for her boss to make his flight.  The aircraft was searched, and of course, there was no bomb.  The woman told police that her boss was late to catch his flight to Honduras because of her, and that a bomb threat would be just enough time for him to catch his plane. 

That’s dedication to the job.  Let’s hope he still holds your position after you do the 25 to life for your terroristic tendencies.

Smash These High Prices
A Minnesota man is under arrest after he ran through a Target store smashing up televisions and other electronics with a hammer.  Employees say the man came into the store “walking like Frankenstein” with a “glazed look” in his eyes.  He got into it with an officer and then took off running through the store, smashing things as he went passed.  Police had to subdue him with a Taser. 

Apparently he was pissed that he missed the Black Friday sale.

On the 12th Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me
How expensive would it be if you bought all the gifts mentioned in that irritating song?  How about $87,402.81?  This is an increase of .9 per cent from last year.  Experts say the costs of birds is much cheaper, but the five gold rings is gonna cost you.  The five gold rings are 43 per cent more expensive than last year.  Three French hens are more expensive than a partridge in a pear tree.  Because minimum wage is up, eight maids-a-milking will now cost $58.  Experts also agree that you will not save any money by trying to shop online for your calling birds or drummers drumming.  Shipping all those geese a-laying and swans a-swimming will cost you about $10,000 more than if you just went to a retailer.

In case you were in the market for some lords a-leaping and all that.  Anyway, I don’t know what they did back in the old days but if my true love gave to me 11 pipers piping or some mess like that, I’d dump his ass.  Five gold rings are acceptable, but I don’t need nine ladies dancing around in my living room.  Thanks anyway.

Fatty Can’t Graduate
If you don’t complete your course requirements, you can’t graduate.  If you don’t receive a passing grade, you can’t graduate.  If you’re too fat, you can’t graduate.  Students at Lincoln University in Pennsylvania have been informed that if they are too fat, they have to take a fitness course in order to graduate.  Students with a BMI over 30 must take the course, and if they don’t succeed, then they don’t get a diploma.  Some students are just not happy about that.  One student says she didn’t come to college just to be told about her weight; she came to get an education.  Since she’s an honour student, she thinks it doesn’t matter that she is ‘slightly overweight.’  Some don’t mind the class, but don’t agree that only fat students have to take the class; they think all students should be mandated.  The university maintains that students are depleting their quality of life by remaining overweight.

As a fat person, I completely agree with this.  I don’t understand why fat people get so offended when people tell them the truth.  I think they take it very personally, as if someone is degrading the internal and that’s just not the case every time.  No one is saying because you’re fat, you’re ugly or stupid, or whatever.  What we’re saying is that because you’re fat, you’re unhealthy.  That’s the bottom line.  You don’t need to be thin, emaciated, scrawny like a super model.  You don’t need to feel poorly about yourself because there’s more of you to love.  But you do need to be concerned about your health and how it affects others around you.  Not me—but your family and your loved ones.  Being unhealthy and overweight is draining.  Today you’re mad because someone called you fat, and tomorrow you’re suicidal because you “can’t understand how you let it get this bad.” 

Today’s Celebrity

Buttocks Bye-Bye
A former Miss Argentina has died after having butt surgery.  Solange Magnano, who was crowned Miss Argentina in 1994, elected to have plastic surgery on her buttocks, but died during the procedure due to complications.  The incident is being investigated.  Argentina is quickly becoming a destination spot for those seeking plastic surgery.  The costs are considerably lower than in the United States.  According to statistics, approximately 1 in 30 Argentines have had plastic surgery. 

One in 30?  That’s a lot of damn surgery.  Some people are so unsatisfied with how they look that they are willing to risk their life just for the sake of beauty.  You don’t need to fix your ass cheeks, honey.  There’s something else going on, something else much deeper that no plastic surgeon is going to be able to cut, mold, bend or manipulate.

Out of My Way, Officer
Al Sharpton’s daughter, Dominique Sharpton faces charges including resisting arrest after she cut off a police officer and then screamed profanities at him after he pulled her over.  She told the officer that he was driving too slow and that she was on her way to a play.  According to the officer she veered out of her lane, ran through a red light and forced another car to swerve out of her way.  While she was being ticketed, she and her mother screaming curse words at the cop.  The police officer claims to have told them to get back in the car, but when they refused, he arrested them both.  According to the complaint, Dominique Sharpton pushed the officer and resisted arrest.

Amusing.  That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Today’s Thought

An educated man should know everything about something, and something about everything.  ~Dame C.V. Wedgwood


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