Daily News December 4

Today is Friday, December 4, 2009.  It is the 338th day of the year with 27 to go.

Today’s History

In 1619, settlers from Bristol, England settled in Charles City County, Va where they held a service thanking God for their safe arrival (some think this is the first Thanksgiving).
In 1816, James Monroe was elected the fifth president of the United States.

Today’s News

So Long, Suckers
Authorities in Texas are looking for a man who claimed to be wheelchair-bound and then escaped from prison on foot.  The case has sparked a call for a complete renovation of the prison leadership system because of the escape.  According to reports, the inmate may have faked a stroke earlier in the year while he was incarcerated.  Because of the stroke, he claimed to be partially paralysed so that he could get use of a wheelchair.  He was being transferred from one prison to an inmate medical facility when he pulled out a pistol and threatened to shoot the guards if they didn’t release him.  He stole the guards’ weapons and a uniform, and then took off on foot.  Investigators have no idea how he got a gun into the prison and that suggests someone in a position of authority may have helped him. 

So now there is an escaped rapist on the loose.  He was in jail for aggravated sexual assault and aggravated sexual assault with a deadly weapon.  Good thing I don’t live in Texas, but if you see this man, you should call police immediately.  He is considered quite armed and very dangerous.

Tale of the Body Snatchers
An Austrian man, who had been dead for more than a year, is finally being returned to his family for a proper burial.  It took so long to bury him because he had been kidnapped from his grave by thieves who intended to blackmail the family.  The thieves dug up the coffin containing the man, who was a billionaire in life and one of the world’s richest men, and forced the family to pay $150,000 to get their loved one back.  Authorities found the body and coffin in Hungary, but the suspects are still at large.  Originally, they had demanded $9 million.

But they only got $150,000?  Looks like somebody got short-changed.  Sorry for your luck, but this is pretty crappy to go dig up somebody’s dead body and then try to ransom it.  As humans we put a lot of importance on the body, but look at it this way:   he’s dead; you got to bury him the first time.  His soul is gone to where ever it’s gone to.  What do you need the body for?  It’s different if you never got a chance to pay your final respects, but they already had a funeral.  I would have told the thieves to keep it; save me the costs of maintaining a gravesite. 

From Paupers to Princes
Two Hungarian men so poor they had been living in a cave recently found out they stand to inherit $6.6 billion left to them by their late grandmother.  The men knew their mother had come from a wealthy family, but because she had been “difficult” the family severed all ties with her.  Then the mother abandoned the brothers when they were young.  They live in a cave and survive by selling scavenged junk.  Charity workers tracked them down to inform them of their sudden good fortune.  According to the law in Germany, any direct descendents are entitled to a share of the estate.  Since the grandmother’s only child, their mother, is dead, then the money goes to them, as well as a sister who lives in the United States.  The men said no women would look at them because they lived in a cave, but now with the money, they may be able to find wives and have a normal life.

Wow.  They’ll be able to find ten wives with all damn money.  Even if they split it three ways, that’s still $2.2 BILLION apiece.  I don’t know what kind of tax system they have in Germany, but let’s say that was in the United States and a standard 35 per cent applied:  $1.4 BILLION.  BILLION is the key word here, folks.  I would be more than happy with a billion dollars.  Seriously, I do believe the Lord puts us through things for a reason.  Maybe He wanted these two guys to live a rough life so they could appreciate the BILLIONS He would later give them.  Let’s hope they don’t wind up back in that cave because they were frivolous and careless with those BILLIONS!

Big Bang Christmas
A Georgia man is under arrest after he entered an Atlanta mall dressed like an elf and told Santa Claus that he had dynamite.  The grown ass man stood in line to see Santa and when he finally got up there, he told Old Saint Nick that he had dynamite strapped to his body.  Kris Kringle immediately called mall security and the man dressed like an elf was arrested.  The mall was searched and there was no sign of any explosive devices found.

Look how grown this man is.  Seriously?  Why are you dressed like an elf and waiting to see Santa?  Why are you dressed like an elf and waiting to see Santa and then you tell Santa that you have dynamite when you don’t?  What is the point of this?  What is wrong with you?  Please give this man a psych-eval right away because apparently something is missing, and it ain’t Christmas spirit.

Today’s Thought

Beauty is the promise of happiness.  ~Stendahl

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