Daily News February 4

Today is Thursday, February 4, 2010. It is the 35th day of the year with 330 to go.

Today’s History

In 1789, electors chose George Washington to be the first president of the United States.
In 1861, delegates from six southern states formed the Confederate States of America.
In 1974, newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army.

Today’s News

Dear Parents
“The math we do is really easy.  If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I’m sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child’s progress.”  What if you got a letter like that from your child’s teacher?  I’m sure you’d be annoyed, and some parents were, which is why an Arizona principal was suspended after he wrote this letter and accidentally sent it to the parents of his students.  The principal has stated that he doesn’t hate children, but wrote the letter in response to someone else’s stupid remarks.  He also did not intend to mail the letter home to parents.  He has apologized to each parent individually and has also been removed from the elementary school as principal.  He will be demoted and may be terminated.

I know how parents are about their kids.  You can’t tell them nothing.  Their child is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the whole wide world, so I know every parent was about to march up to that school and set that principal on fire.  I would have done the same thing too because my kid (the one I don’t have) is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the world, but seriously, I think it’s hilarious and probably very true in some cases.  Not all kids are lazy or stupid, but I would agree that a good percentage of them really are.  Teachers have to be so politically correct when it comes to telling parents how little Junior is doing at school.  No teacher can come out and say, “Your kid is a loser,” even when they really are.  Too bad the guy might lose his job. 

South African School Bus
Parents, I’m sure it’s perfectly natural to send your kids to school on a school bus. It’s highly likely that said school bus would seat at least 49 children.  But what if 49 children were crammed into a 16 passenger van?  What if the driver of the 16 passenger van was drunk, more than five times the legal limit?  A South African minibus driver is under arrest after he was stopped at a routine traffick checkpoint.  The man’s blood alcohol content was more than five times the legal limit as he transported 49 children crammed into the back of a 16 passenger van to school.  The children were ages 3 to 13, sitting on top of each other in the death trap vehicle.  Police say that it is common for poorer people to use rogue minibus drivers to get from one town to the next.  Many of the vehicles they operate are unsafe and fatal accidents are common.

Whoa.  But you know what, you can’t even fault the guy—you can, but seriously, the parents were the ones who shoved little Timmy into the back of a minivan with 48 other children.  If the man was that drunk, don’t you think somebody would have noticed it?  Especially since some of the children were young as three years old.  Most parents walk those young children to the bus.  They didn’t realize that Drunky McDrunkerson was behind the wheel?  I know when you are poor you got to do what you go to do, but there’s got to be a better way.  And secondly, I would like to see pictures of how he got 49 kids into a minivan.  That’s like a circus act. 

Not Another School Shooting
Actually, it isn’t, but a fourth grade boy from New York faces suspension after he was found with a toy gun at school.  The boy had a two inch Lego action figure of a policeman and a machine gun.  The principal of the school saw the miniature gun at lunchtime and confiscated it.  She then contacted his parents and notified him that he would probably be suspended for violating the school’s strict no weapons policy.  The parents have appealed to the school’s security administrator and they agreed that the boy should not have brought the “weapon” into school.  The parents stated that another child had a Lego action figure carrying an axe, but that child was not suspended.


Everybody knows what Legos are.  Everybody knows how small the little action figures are.  They are less than two inches tall and the toy gun is even smaller.  Look at that little thing!  I can understand being strict about no weapons, but I think it is beyond ridiculous that the kid is suspended.  A plastic Lego toy less than an inch long is not a threat to anybody. This is a classic example of people blindly following rules for the sake of following rules.  And what about the kid with the miniature Lego axe?  He should be suspended too.  We don’t him giving anybody any paper cuts.

Fight Club
A fourth-grade teacher has been reassigned after it was alleged that he turned his classroom into a fighting ring.  Two students, aged 9 and 10, were told to settle their dispute by fighting each other in the classroom.  After one cut his lip and the other bruised his head, the teacher finally sent them to the school nurse.  He told the boys to lie if they were questioned by the nurse.  “Just tell her that you bumped into each other,” the boys were told.  Both the teacher and his aide are being charged.

As if you didn’t have to worry about the teacher thinking your kid is a moron or the drunk bus driver or the gun-wielding Columbine kid, you now have to worry about the teacher forcing your kid to become a UFC champion.  This is starting to read like a top 10 list on why you should home-school your kids.

What Goes Around May Not Come Around
A Slovenian man probably wishes he would have just let sleeping dogs lie when he decided to save three bullmastiff dogs from being put down.  The dogs were alleged to have attacked other humans, but the man won a legal battle at the last moment right before their euthanisation.  The dogs had seriously injured a passer-by and then later attacked a dog handler.  After he brought the dogs home, they attacked and killed him before police could arrive.

I know that people are attached to their pets, but you have to let them go if they are a menace.  He saved the dogs only for them to attack him and kill him.  Thanks for nothing.

Pot Made Me Do It
A San Francisco man claimed it was the pot filled cookies he’d been eating that made him act like a lunatic aboard a flight to Los Angeles.  The plane was diverted to Pittsburgh shortly after leaving Philadelphia because the man was unruly on the aircraft.  The man went into the bathroom and started screaming, then tried to fight the crew who just wanted him to sit down.  The man stated that he was high on a double dose of medical marijuana cookies at the time of the attack.

Not that I know that much about marijuana, but doesn’t it make you all calm and chill?  Isn’t that way why people use it for medication in the first place, because you’re basically kind of numb and you’re just on another planet for a little while?  I don’t know if I believe his story, unless his pot was laced with something else.  It was a nice try though, pretending to be mentally deranged to avoid terrorism charges.

Double Coupon Day
Don’t you get annoyed when people don’t pay you back in kind?  Meaning, they ask to borrow $10 and you give them a ten and they pay you back in pennies.  Then they blithely say, “It’s money.”  Sure, technically it is, but it’s also annoying.  What if someone paid you back in COUPONS?  A California judge is being admonished by a judicial committee because he ordered clients to pay their attorney in coupons for women’s clothing.  The clients had sued a fashion company for invasion of privacy.  As a settlement of the lawsuit the fashion company offered the clients coupons for their clothing line.  The judge said, “Well, since they gave you coupons, you should pay your attorney in coupons too.”  The attorney was owed $125,000.  The judge has since reversed the order and has retired.

Hahaha.  I wish someone would come up to me with some coupons.

Today’s Thought

Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries. –James Michener


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