Daily News April 14

Today is Wednesday, April 14, 2010.  It is the 104th day of the year with 261 to go.

Today’s History

In 1828, the first edition of Noah Webster’s American Dictionary of the English Language was published.
In 1865, President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth at Ford’s Theatre.
In 1912, the RMS Titanic collided with an iceberg and began sinking.

Today’s News

Starting Young
Police in Pennsylvania are investigating a third grade student who may have given his classmates heroin.  The eight year old boy allegedly handed out small bags of heroin labeled “trust me.”  The street value of the heroin is approximately $1000.  Parents were notified that some students came into contact with the substance.

I know they’ve got an investigation going on but can they please give me some more information?  Where did the boy get the stuff?  Is the kid normally a trouble maker?  Did any of the kids actually snort it?  (Do you snort heroin?  Or inject it?)  How did they find out it was that kid giving the stuff out?  What did his parents say?  What did the kid say?  This could be an interesting story if they actually gave out a little more information.  But let this be a lesson to all parents:  hide your stash.

Starting Young, Part 2
A British retailer has decided against selling a two piece bikini with a padded bra.  What’s so wrong with that you ask?  The two piece bikini with padded bra was marketed at seven year old girls.  Children advocates became enraged when the skimpy bikini hit the racks in stores across London.  Some say that particular style of bathing suit sexualizes children and encourages them to grow up quickly.  The bikini was denounced as the “paedo-bikini,” as in paedophilia.  The retailer said that the padding was not to give little girls a booby boost but to protect their modesty and to give them privacy.

What a crock.  Privacy?  Seriously, that’s what they said?  If the bathing suits were for 15 year olds, I’d still be annoyed, but aimed at seven year old girl? That’s just beyond belief and quite disgusting.  They should take a look at whatever perve designed that thing in the first place.  But then again, there are some parents that don’t see anything wrong with this at all.

You Again!
A Maryland man must feel like he has déjà vu after he got into a drunk driving accident with a judge who could have sent him to jail years ago.  The man had gone to court in 1998 for drunk driving when he failed a field sobriety test.  The judge who oversaw his case at the time decided not to send him to jail even though the man already had two drunk driving arrests in three months.  Now in 2010, the man is drinking and driving again, and this time he hit somebody:  that same judge!  The judge and his wife were both injured in the crash.

Two drunk driving charges, and he’s up on a third and you decide not to send him to jail, and now look, a fourth drunk driving charge.  I bet the judge wishes he would have sent the guy to jail in the first place.

And The Winner Is…
…the woman who set her own hair on fire!  A woman from Indiana has accepted her town’s top prize:  The Village Idiot Award.  She was lauded with this honour after she set her own hair on fire while trying to light a cigarette.  The woman admitted to having sprayed half a bottle of hairspray in her hair, which caused it to be more flammable than usual.  She said she was driving to work when she tried to light a cigarette.  There was so much hairspray in her hair that it immediately ignited.  She was able to put the fire out with her hands, which were also coated in hair spray.  The Village Idiot Award comes with a $100 bar tab at a local inn.

Because a person like that needs more alcohol in her life.

He Wasn’t Dead Yet
A German woman has been arrested on suspicion of trying to smuggle a corpse aboard an aircraft, however, she claims that he was still alive when they reached the airport.  “He will still warm at home,” she said after authorities spotted her pushing the husband through the airport in a wheelchair.  The corpse was wearing sunglasses.  Airline officials became suspicious and denied the couple boarding.  The woman stated that she wanted to have him cremated and fly home to Berlin with his ashes.  They were in the UK, spending time with their daughter as they do every year before going back to Germany.

Let’s just say for a minute, that he was dead this entire time, how did she plan on getting him into his seat on the plane?  She was just going to pick him up and shove him into those tiny little seats?  What if he had an aisle seat and the passenger on the window wanted to get up?  Okay, let’s say he was alive when she left home and he died at the airport, can you please explain why she just continued on like nothing happened?  Oh, Herbert’s dead, oh well.  Let’s just keep going.  We don’t want to miss our flight.

Two For One
Nevada police were somehow able to make two DUI arrests from one SUV, after another motorist reported an unsafe driving act.  A driver of another vehicle called 911 after seeing an SUV swerve all over the road.  The driver followed the SUV to a fast food restaurant and witnessed the passenger get out of the passenger seat and stagger over to the driver’s side.  The passenger then pulled the driver get out the car and carried him over to the passenger side.  The passenger then staggered back to the driver side and took the wheel himself.  When police arrived on the scene, both the passenger and driver were found to have three times the legal limit of alcohol.

Two drunks don’t equal a sober driver, or whatever else twisted logic they were trying to come up with.

Today’s Thought

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy.  — Abraham Lincoln


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