So, Saturday, I ran my first official 5K. Since joining the Army, I’ve discovered this bizarre interest in running. Yeah, I know I was a total failure in Basic Training, practically passing out at the slightest bit of exertion, but once I got the hang of it, I just really took to running like a duck takes to water. Okay, unfortunately, I am lazy and I don’t run as much as I really would love to, but hopefully this summer I can change all that.
I really only run about two or three times per month, and I was supposed to be doing the Army Ten Miler with my dad but I missed the deadline, so it’ll have to wait until next year. Anyway, the M&Ms have been pressuring me to join them in their run races and every time they send me an invite, something has been going on and I couldn’t go. Finally, this weekend I made it out there with them.
Oh, yeah, I call them M&Ms because one is light and one is dark and they are both bald. Their heads look like peanuts. If you remember the old school M&Ms, they only came in five colours: red, yellow, orange, light brown and dark brown; therefore, they are the light and dark brown M&Ms.
So anyway, we go up to Ft. Meade to do this fun run 5K for the Army Birthday. I know I can run 5k, because I can run five miles. Yeah, it’ll be mad slow, but I can do five miles without passing out. But when you do races, you’re with people who really run. Not bullshitters like me, who only get outside once every other full moon to bullshit around a track for shits’n’giggles. I didn’t want to embarrass myself.
I set three goals.
- Finish the freakin’ race.
- Don’t walk, actually run the whole race.
- And most importantly, I have to finish before Zapp Brannigan.
Since we no longer work together, he is really not a bad guy. I’ve always thought this, I just can’t work with him because well… he’s difficult. The other one says it is because we’re so much alike, but I beg to differ. How dare we even be placed in the same sentence. He told me that Zapp usually has a problem with the races. He doesn’t do distance well. He told me some hilarious stories about them doing longer races. One time he got lost, the other time he got harassed by the cops because he was taking so damn long that they had to shut the race down so they could open the roads up again. He was dead last.
I just prayed to the Lord, that I wouldn’t be like that.
So, this was a fun run, meaning that it was family oriented, not all that serious. There are professional races where people really get out there and they are not playing, but this race… yeah, they said it was a fun run, but really… really. There were people of all ages, young, old, everything, children. Like toddlers. There were mothers with their babies in prams. There was a woman and her husband who had three children. She had the double pram and her husband had another one for the older child. On top of that, the woman was seven months pregnant.
They beat me.
The old lady who had been running sprints in the parking lot before the race beat me.
Several children beat me.
Grandpa with no shirt on beat me.
The man with the dog who kept stopping every three seconds so the dog could piss and shit beat me. This man even stopped to clean up the crap and give his dog something to drink, and they still beat me.
However, I finished the race. I did not walk. And I beat Zapp. I would say I was somewhere in the middle of the pack. According to the official clock, they said 35 minutes, but I timed myself and I had 31 minutes. I’m going by my watch. My next goal is to finish a 5K in under 30 minutes. That’s reasonable.
Anyway, I had a great time. I’m definitely going back out there to do some more races. They said they do a race almost every weekend, except drill weekend. There’s another one next week and The Kid will be here, so I’m dragging him out with me too.
I know one thing, all this damn running is going to SERIOUSLY improve my run time. Come October, if I don’t max out my run, I don’t know what the hell is going on.