Senseless Scribbling of an Idiot #54: Cuckoo for Chicken Nuggets

Give me the chicken nuggets, or else!

What would you do if your child, at two years old, declared that he would not eat anything else ever again except McDonald’s chicken nuggets?  Would you give in to the indulgence or would you roll your eyes and then give your child a plate of broccoli and tell him to get lost?

Most parents would go for the latter, but not the mother of Stacey Irvine.  When she was two years old, Stacey’s mother gave her a box of Chicken McNuggets and ever since then, the girl decided that she would not eat anything else.  Her mother thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with this and allowed the child to eat nothing but Chicken McNuggets for FIFTEEN YEARS.  Stacey Irvine, who is now 17, admits that she eats nuggets morning, noon and night.  While McDonald’s are her favourites, she will occasionally eat store brands.  Sometimes she even gets fries with that.

This is only a quarter of the salt doctors scraped off Stacey's tongue.

Earlier this week, Stacey struggled to breathe and collapsed at work.  She was immediately rushed to the hospital where doctors discovered that she has severe anaemia and inflamed veins on her tongue from the ridiculously high sodium intake from eating nothing but chicken nuggets.  Her body was so depleted of vitamins and nutrients they had to be injected into her.  The doctor warned her if that she stayed on this ridiculous diet she would die sooner rather than later.

After severe nutrient depletion, doctors speculate Stacey will look like this in a week.

Okay, so what is wrong with this whole story?  I am not a parent and sometimes I do not appreciate how difficult it is to bring children up in this world, but I do firmly believe that when you are two years old your parents are the end all-be all.  Two year old children do not have money, nor do they have transportation.  Yes, two year olds throw horrific tantrums and they just love to scream their little heads off, but eventually they get over it.  When Stacey was two years old and begging for a box of chicken nuggets, the mother should have been like, “There aren’t any more.  Deal with it.”  You don’t keep feeding the kid nuggets until they become addicted to it like a crack fiend.

Why do you think this is cute?

Fifteen years later, that is all the girl has eaten.  Stacey claims to have never tasted a fruit or vegetable.  She says she will not eat anything else because everything else is disgusting.  Have you even tried anything else?  If you’ve been shoving chicken nuggets in your craw three times a day for the past fifteen years, I doubt that you have had an opportunity to try anything else.

I am a very finicky eater.  If it smells bad, looks bad or is dubious in origin, I won’t eat it.  I have been known to eat the same thing over and over again, but I can’t imagine eating the same exact thing three times a day for fifteen years—since I was a toddler.  First of all, my parents did not have McDonald’s money like that and secondly, my ass better eat what is put in front of me and like it.  There were plenty of times when I went to bed hungry because whatever my mom had cooked smelled gross, but never, ever did she give in to any of my crybaby tears so I could eat ice cream every meal of the day.

Stacey’s mom is lame because she says she had tried everything, including starvation.  I submit that she indulged her daughter far too long and then when she realized that it was the stupidest decision she ever made, it was way out of control.  The kid got the upper hand and there’s no coming back from that.

How are you 17 years old collapsing from severe nutrient depletion?  That is sad.

Stacey Irvine, this is why you and your mother are losers:

NEWS FLASH: A 20-piece three times a day might kill you.

The Food and Drug Administration recommends 1500-2000 milligrams of sodium per day.  A 10-piece chicken nugget from McDonald’s contains 1140 milligrams.  Eaten three times a day?  That is over 3300 milligrams of sodium fast-tracking its way to high blood pressure and a host of other health problems.

A 10-piece chicken nugget contains 510 calories.  Three times a day?  More than 1500 calories out of a 2000 calorie recommended diet for persons who are at least MODERATELY active.

A 10-piece chicken nugget contains 33 grams of fat.  Three times a day?  She is chomping down on 99 grams of fat which is almost TWICE the recommended allowance of fat, which is 56 grams.

And this is only if she’s eating the 10 piece.  If she is porking down on the 20 piece three times a day, double all numbers and punch yourself in the face.

As soon as it became true addiction, Stacey’s mother should have taken her to a specialist.  She also should have made the girl take some kind of vitamins.  Vitamin supplements should not replace what you find naturally in quality fruits and vegetables, but they help when you know you’re not getting enough.  Then Stacey’s mother should have whooped that ass until she got it into her head:

NO. MORE. CHICKEN. NUGGETS.

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One response to “Senseless Scribbling of an Idiot #54: Cuckoo for Chicken Nuggets

  1. I’d like to know where this girl is now. I don’t think anybody has heard of her since this. Is she even alive still or did her disgusting childish ways make her follow a trail of nuggets into her grave?

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