Operation: WTF (Day 165)

News From the Front

Uncle Sam wants you to be his valentine.

About 50 times a day we receive emails from the base command regarding the status of things around post.  The emails can be anything from “the hospital is closed until further notice” or “the chow hall has run out of food.”  Most of the time the information does not pertain to me so I just delete it, but every now and again they send out something that is truly important.  I received an email the other day stating that certain facilities will close early in honour of Valentine’s Day.  I was rather taken aback by this because I did not know that Valentine’s Day is a federally recognised holiday.  I am not one to begrudge anybody some time off, but I just thought it was peculiar, particularly in this environment.  This is not like we’re back home and you can get off an hour or two early to take your sweetheart out for some fine dining and a moonlit walk by the bay.  Perhaps those particular offices are having a sweetheart dance, or maybe the extra hour off is so they can take their deployment wives to a free movie at the theatre tent.  Nothing says romance like his and her PT belts.

Hey kids, the rat poop is gone, so stop by for a slice.

In other news, it has been reported that the neighbourhood pizza place is back in business.  Employees were seen cleaning rat traps just two days ago, indicating that they may have cleaned up whatever made them fail inspection in the first place.  No news on whether soldiers are actually allowed to eat at the place.  We may only be allowed to stand around outside to take in the wafting aroma of cat meat in tomato sauce.  It is possible that health inspectors will have to do another walk through, followed by taste testing to determine the safety of the food.  All privates report to the pizza place immediately.  If they float then they are not witches like we thought.

Inmates get their own rooms while soldiers sleep 50 deep. That seems fair.

Sunday I will be transferred to a supermax prison facility for a period not to exceed 14 days.  At first I was excited but then I realise exactly what I got myself into.  It’s like this guy I once knew who got into some minor trouble with the law.  Since he was a single father with all these kids to support the court system sentenced him to 20 weekends in jail.  Monday through Friday he worked at his thankless job and then Friday nights he reported to the county jail where he spent the entire weekend, only to be let out to start the whole charade again.  I never heard of such a thing until I joined the army and I realised it was called drill weekend.

I will update my blog via carrier pigeon if necessary.


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