Operation: WTF (Day 284)

Don’t Thank Me, Thank Your Recruiter

Just sign right here for the free vacation to an exotic location nearest you.

Seven years ago today I met a guy named Sam and it’s been downhill ever since.  This other guy I knew introduced us.  Sam came talking all that good shit, telling me what he was going to do for me but I think I just got tricked into one of those free boat rides.

I can’t say that it’s been all bad, but unfortunately, the most memorable moments are the bad ones.  The horrid memories that stick with you forever.  When other people ask me if they should hook up with Sam, I don’t know what to tell them.  I have to be honest; I can’t lie to people but then again everybody’s experience hasn’t been like mine.  Some people might really be enjoying this shit.

No, seriously, I’ve never felt better.

I promised that I would stay with Sam at least one more year.  After that, who knows.  Some days I feel like I am done with his ass.  And then some days I feel like I can deal with it.  Today was not one of those days.  Here we are, pretty much sliding into home at the bottom of the ninth and everybody wants to get extra special stupid.  I think it’s the heat warping everybody’s mind.  It’s that antsy-ness you get in your pants when you are waiting for something.  This shit is worse than waiting on Christmas.  There is nothing you can do to hurry it up.  There is nothing you can do to take your mind off it.  Everyday you wake up and you’re like, when is this over?

I was ready to go 365 days ago. Fuck it. I’ll just walk home.

It’s like a never-ending nightmare.  I am so grateful that while Sam can control me, he cannot control time.  It has to keep moving forward at the same rate every single day.  Even though we may have different perceptions of time, if it’s moving too fast or too slowly, it is moving nonetheless.  One day I am going to wake up and I’m gonna be like, “Today’s the day!” and then I’m going to shit myself with excitement.  I probably won’t even sleep the night before.  I will be standing at the rally point with all my bags, like, LET’S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!


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