Things I Won’t Miss
We are in the final days of this debacle. I think because I have a lot of things on my plate right now, the days are moving quickly. I know the night before we get on that plane will probably be the longest night of my life. I am not going to miss this place at all when I leave. In fact, there are many things about this place I won’t miss. Allow me to enumerate.
1. I will not miss sleeping in a tent with 25+ other women for an entire year. I won’t miss not being able to get a full night’s sleep because some ill-mannered slattern keeps slamming the door like she was raised in a barn. I won’t miss the lights on and off whenever it suits some random person’s whim. I won’t miss midnight munchies: the sound of cans of Coke (or Monsters) being opened up at 4AM, or someone digging into a bag of chips to crunch, crunch, crunch while they lay awake watching whatever movie they pirated. I won’t miss being forced to listen to everybody’s phone conversations. I won’t miss knowing everything about everyone’s family situations: who is behind on their bills, whose daughter got a belly-button piercing without permission, who is having relationship problems. I guess nobody ever realised that the even though the connection was bad, the louder you shouted into Skype the more everybody knows everything about you. I won’t miss that.
2. I won’t miss going outdoors to go to the bathroom. I won’t miss the dirty, shitty port-a-potties that smell so bad you almost vomit every time you go in there. I won’t miss not having a roll of toilet paper because the local nationals don’t understand the importance. I won’t miss the stench of cigarette smoke mixed with shit. I won’t miss having to do my business in 4X4 cell that is about 120 degrees. I won’t miss the absolutely unsanitary conditions some of these people left behind.
3. I won’t miss the long hot walk to and from the shower, getting sand on my feet after I just bathed. I won’t miss the scalding hot water no matter what tap you use or how hard you try to adjust the temperature. I won’t miss the nasty wet floor, or the brown water that comes out of the faucets. I won’t miss the water outages or the long walk trying to search for a shower facility that has water.
4. I won’t miss the smell burning trash in the air, or the sewage trucks that come to suck the human waste out of the port-a-potties.
5. I won’t miss the random power outages in the middle of the day in every building except the office. I won’t miss the jackass who kept messing with the AC temperature control as if they are the only person to be comfortable, causing the AC to blow out in the middle of the afternoon. I won’t miss trying to sleep as the temperature in the tent is 104 degrees. I won’t miss waiting four hours for someone to come and fix it.
6. I won’t miss the horrific food that gave me the bubble guts. I won’t miss chili mac or runny oatmeal. I won’t miss boiled steak or pancakes hard enough to pass as frisbees. I won’t miss rotten fruit at the salad bar. I won’t miss the stale slices of bread or the brown pieces of lettuce. I won’t miss the sticky chow hall tables. I won’t miss eating at the less-than-mediocre Chinese restaurant every day. I won’t miss not being able to cook my own food or eat as healthy as I would have liked.
7. I won’t miss the excessive heat. I won’t miss the wind that makes it feel like a blow dryer in your face while shoving your head in an oven. I won’t miss the Godforsaken sand blowing all over the place, getting into everything. I won’t miss the intense sunlight. I won’t miss the entirely moisture-less air.
8. I won’t miss the thieves at the laundry point. I won’t miss the broken, fucked-up washing machines and dryers. I won’t miss leaving my clothes to wash only to find the the washer has broken down and my clothes have been sitting in brown, brackish water for an hour. I won’t miss leaving my clothes to dry only to find out the dryer has broken and the clothes are either sitting in a hot dryer but don’t tumble, or the dryer tumbles but it doesn’t get hot.
9. I won’t miss the slow internet connection in the living quarters. I won’t miss getting bilked by the internet service provider.
10. I won’t miss being so far removed from everyone and everything. I won’t miss feeling like I’ve been on another planet. I won’t miss the feeling of isolation. I won’t miss the simple-minded. I won’t miss being treated like a wayward teenager. I won’t miss busy work. I won’t miss illogical decisions and senselessness. I won’t miss arrogance. I won’t miss selfishness. I won’t miss idiots.
Nope, I won’t miss this. I won’t miss it at all.