Life Hacked

I know what you did last summer.

I know what you did last summer.

You’re a new parent and you are just now able to get your wee precious baby to sleep.  The kid is resting comfortably in  his crib, and you and your spouse have an adult beverage and decide to turn in for the night, hoping to catch a few hours’ sleep before the kid wakes up screaming to be changed.  You doze off and just before you get to REM sleep, you hear, “Wake up, baby!  Wake up, baby!” in this menacing, death metal, horror-movie voice.  You think, WTF?!  Did someone break in?  You and your spouse race down the hall to the baby’s room.  Imagine your surprise when you find out that your kid is still sleeping peacefully and there’s no one in the room.  Turns out, the creepy voice is coming from the baby monitor.  Some lunatic on the other end starts screaming obscenities at you and you just stand there completely confused as to why this is happening.

Apparently, this happened to an Ohio couple.  They have a Foscam baby-monitoring camera installed in their kid’s room, which some lunatic hacked into.  They have not caught the weirdo yet, but I’m pretty sure the couple has disengaged that particular monitoring system. 

I have a new friend, and he lives in the speaker.

I have a new friend, and he lives in the speaker.

I see two issues with this.  First, what kind of maniac are you that you hack into baby monitors to aurally assault an infant?  The fucking kid can’t even understand the string of curse words spewing out of your mouth.  Do you really not have anything else to do but curse at three month old babies? 

Second, why is everything now connected to the Internet?  Look, I love the Internet.  I’d probably die without it, but I don’t think everything I own should be connected to it because of weirdoes like the one mentioned above.  Why is a baby monitor connected to the Internet when the parents are home?  I could see how useful it might be if you left the kid with a babysitter and you want to make sure everything is kosher.  But you’re in the next room and the baby monitor is livestreaming to YouTube and random people in China are watching the BabyCam like people watch that damn PandaCam.  Unnecessary!  There’ve been a few articles about webcams getting hacked.  Don’t you people learn!

I just think it is weird that we’ve started connecting everything in our lives to the Internet.  Your home monitoring system, home thermostat system, and home lighting systems are a few things that have become internet connected recently.  In theory, it sounds really awesome.  You’re at work and you want to check on your house.  Your home monitoring system is on a webfeed that you can monitor when you’re not around.  So can everyone else.  Home thermostat internet system sounds like it would save you a ton of money.  You’re on your way home from work and you click a few buttons on your phone to cool the house a bit before you get there.  Home lighting system works the same way.  You’re gone on vacation and you want to turn the porch lights on in the evening and off in the morning. 

Some hacker got into our iSprinkler but customer service couldn't help us.

Some hacker got into our iSprinkler but customer service couldn’t help us.

Normal criminals don’t have time to fuck around with your lights and AC, but fucktards who hack into baby monitoring systems would love to set your AC to 55 while you’re at work, thus ensuring a super high energy bill.  Winter time?  Freezing outside?  Hahah, now you have no heat, bitch!  I will just fuck around with your lights and turn everything on and off, all night long because I’m a dipshit and have nothing else to do.  Apparently, there are people out there like that.  These systems are supposed to have security but hackers prove everyday if they want in, they can get in.  If the CIA can get hacked, I think your $9.99 Wal-Mart lighting system can get hacked too.

A little discretion can go a long way.  We want life to be easy but is it that serious you need  iThermostat?  You do know they have the thermostats you can time.  It’s digital but not connected to the internet.  Why isn’t that good enough?  If you have a BabyCam, why is it on the Internet when you’re home?  Maybe only turn it on when the help is watching the kid.  They will also be around when the lunatic starts in on the creepy catcalling.  The baby will never be alone with Random Hacker Guy. 

And I won’t even get started on allllllllll the data that is being collected from your Internet-connected devices.


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