And It Won’t Be Long…
Today marks the 100th day we’ve been on Title X orders. I’m pretty sure I’m off by a few days or more, but I don’t think it really matters. It’s not like this is official record-keeping. Technically, there could be 300 more days of this.
In a lot of ways, this deployment is vastly easier than my last deployment; but, in other ways, this is so much worse. I just remarked to 47 that I think I would redo the last deployment before I would redo this one. The level of drama is very high, so as to be crushing on one’s soul. On the first deployment, everyone hated me. It was lonely, but in retrospect, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. No one wanted to talk to me, and I was not required to speak to anyone else. I went to work every day, and brought my ass back to that tent and sat in my little cubby, minding my own fucking business.
Would that I could do that here!
I am beset on all sides by meetings, huddles, and NCO calls. As a staff NCO, I’m right in the middle. All the junior enlisted want to complain to me like I have the power to fix something, and all the senior enlisted want to complain like I have the power to fix something. And then this bullshit about company versus staff. I didn’t even realize that was a thing. I thought it was, “Hey, you, do this,” and I do it. Now, it’s like I have to have permission to do work, to do what I consider being a good NCO. If you ask me to do a job, no matter how shitty that job is, I should do it, and it doesn’t matter who asked me. I am smart enough, old enough, and experienced enough to know how to manage my time, so when I am tasked, tasked, and tasked some more I know how to juggle my priorities to get all the work done so no one complains I dropped the ball. I also know how to say, “I have too much on my plate, I need help.” I know these are difficult behaviours for some people and maybe that is why there is so much oversight, but enough is enough.
I feel like I work in a daycare and circus combined. Some days I feel like a nanny, having to hold everyone’s hand so they don’t shit on themselves. Other days I feel like I have to perform. I feel like a circus act, working for peanuts. I never feel appreciated, but that is the nature of this beast. I didn’t come here to get an attaboy, but don’t act like we’re not working hard. I am not overworked. I do not have to work 12 hour shifts. I don’t have shit details. But I am working hard. It’s just very frustrating.
And the whining. Yes, I’m whining on my blog, that’s cuz, it’s a blog. If you’re reading my bitch-fest, it’s because you want to read it. You don’t have to, but the level of crybabies complaining about every fucking thing is enough to make me kill myself. You would think it’s some bitch-ass privates, but seriously, we only have two privates. They have their fair share of issues, but the serious whining is coming from Higher. I thought as you go up in rank the more power you have to get things done, to rectify things. I am learning that is not the case. The higher in rank you go, the more stymied you are. If you do not have the balls to make a breakthrough, then you’re just a figurehead—or a punching bag, whichever.
The workforce seems to be made up of crybabies, Sad Sallies, bi-polar, menstrual cycle ass bitches who need their hand held to cross the fucking street. There are all kinds of wild accusations of racism, favouritism, fraternization, etc. Someone said, “IG,” and I just know it’s not going to work out well for us. Thankfully, none of these accusations are directed at me. I definitely feel some kind of heat though, but it’s different than the last time. I think these bitches hate me, but for different reasons. Last time I insulted everyone, this time, I’m just doing my job and doing it well. People will always hate you for your successes and they will try their hardest to pounce on you the minute you slip up.
I trust these people less than I trust the last set of people I deployed with. At least with them, I knew they couldn’t stand me. They pretty much said it to my face. With these people, it’s hard to tell. Everyone smiles at you while they hold the whip hand behind their back. I took it as no great surprise that my boss told me that I need to protect my own career. I will take that advice to heart. You do not know people until you know people.