I just read on CNN that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are expecting a baby. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or throw up. It’s not that I’m against older women marrying younger men, or older men marrying younger men, it’s just that they seem very gross together. While Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher seem to go well together like bread and butter, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey are like ketchup and jelly.
This is a disaster of epic proportions.
Today is Thursday, October 22. It is the 295th day of the year with 70 to go.
Today’s History
In 1746, Princeton was first chartered as the College of New Jersey.
In 1968, Apollo 7 returned home safely, splashing down into the Atlantic Ocean.
Today’s News
Cashier’s Check
Police are searching for the convenience store clerk who stole a winning lottery ticket from a customer in Texas. The customer regularly comes into the convenience store several times a week to buy lottery tickets. He bought a few and then asked the clerk to check to see if any of them were winners. One of them turned out to be a $1 million prize, but instead of informing the customer of his win, he instead cashed the ticket out for himself and ran out of the store. He had the money wired to his account and pretty much disappeared. It is believed that he might have gone back to his native Nepal. Police have been able to recover about half of the money and the original winner will have to prove that the money is his before he can get it back.
I used to wonder about this. Unless you see your winning number on TV or call the 1-800 number, what’s to stop a store clerk from claiming your ticket is not a winner and then taking the money for himself? That’s pretty jacked up that he would do that, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Why didn’t the guy ask for his ticket back? When I noticed the clerk taking off, I would have went after him. But I guess some people aren’t so bright. Even though the clerk now has a warrant for his arrest and authorities have seized his assets, it doesn’t automatically mean the other guy is going to get his money. He’s going to have to prove it’s his. That means he’s going to have to pay some lawyer to battle it out for him. He may never see his million dollars. Sorry ’bout your luck!
Dope Job: Pothead Wanted
A newspaper in Colorado is looking for a pothead for a job it’s advertising. About 14 states allow medicinal pot smoking and it’s opened up a whole new industry in infirmaries and dispensaries that give out this medical pot. Just like any other doctor’s office, you’d want to know what you were getting into, right? That’s where the dopehead will come in. Whoever he or she is, they will have to be legally allowed to smoke pot for whatever medical reason and then they will get to go around to all the pot smoking places and test their weed, then write a review on it so other potheads know where to get the good stuff. There are about 800 legal pot dispensaries in California and about 400 in Colorado, one of which is right across the street from the state capitol.
Although I’m not a pothead, never have been and never will be, I believe that they should just go ahead and make it legal. That way we can slap a bunch of taxes on it like beer and cigarettes and we can make some money, get us out of this recession. Maybe we could even lower income tax if the tax on weed was high enough. I know a lot of pot smokers and I think they would jump at the chance to be able to buy high quality leaves from a nice dealer rather than skulk around in some seedy scary neighbourhood in the middle of a turf war with the Latin Kings. And look at the industry it’s providing. This is jobs. A pot reviewer? A newspaper that reviews pot dispensaries? Plus photographers that take pictures of pot places. Pot aficianados. Pot horticulturalists. Pot happy hours. Martha Stewart’s pot arrangements. That’s jobs. That’s money. A lot of people are against it because it’s a drug and that’s bad, but so is alcohol. Alcohol is the most abused drug in the United States and it’s legal. Nobody is saying that I want zombie-faced meth heads roaming the streets, but think about it, you know a lot of potheads–you do. They are the most unsuspecting people. We’re not talking about Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Grateful Dead fanatics; we’re talking about your pediatrician, your attorney and the guy who makes your latte every morning. This is America and we like capitalism. Think of the joy you would bring to someone buy giving them a marijuana leaf for Christmas. ‘Tis the season.
Scamming the Scammers
An British man has been sentenced to almsot 5 years in prison for staging more than 100 car accidents to defraud insurance companies. The man would pay “victims” to get into accidents with unsuspecting drivers and then force the drivers to pay hundreds of dollars in insurance fees because the accidents were always staged to make it look like it was their fault. He would have one of his drivers swerve in front of someone and then slam on his brakes, but then another of this drivers would be right up alongside so he couldn’t change lanes, forcing him to rear-end someone. The man did this almost a 100 times over three years and racked up quite a bit of money in insurance claims. Office workers in a nearby building noticed that there were way too many accidents happening at this intersection near their building so they reported it to a safety commission who did an investigation and realised that all the accidents were pretty much faked.
I don’t feel sorry for the insurance companies. They make enough money scamming us regular people on real accidents, but I do feel sorry for all the people who were in fake accidents and their insurance premiums went up. Not to mention, it’s kind of stupid. Yeah, getting rear-ended may not be the worst thing in the world, but 10 years down the line I’m sure your back is gonna be feeling it after participating in 100 car accidents. Didn’t anybody ever notice the same three people were involved in accidents? As an EMT, I’d be like, weren’t you just in a crash three hours ago? You get an E for effort, but a zero in originality.
Celebrity News
Rapper Lil Wayne expects to get a year in jail on a gun charge that he just pleaded guilty to. His tour bus was stopped after officers noticed the scent of marijuana wafting from the windows. Allegedly, the rapper through a Louis Vuitton bag out the window that contained a semi-automatic weapon. Lil Wayne has stated the weapon was not his, but the attorney said going through all the tests to prove otherwise would be problematic and long-winded. Lil Wayne also has to answer to federal drug and weapons charges after being caught at an immigration checkpoint just outside of Yuma, Arizona (say hey to the folks!). Now, see, if pot was legal he wouldn’t even be having all these problems, but I feel no sympathy for Lil Ugmo. If you glorify a life of crmie, be prepared to do the time. See hey to T.I. Let’s hope you’re still relevant when you get out. Sadly, though, this will probably boost record sales.
Today’s Thought
You are rewarding a teacher poorly if you always remain a pupil. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Today is October 16, 2009. It is the 289th day of the year with 76 to go.
Today’s History
In 1793, during the French Revolution, Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, was beheaded.
In 1859, racial abolitionist John Brown initiated the raid on Harper’s Ferry.
Today’s News
Red Light, Green Light
A brothel in Berlin is offering discounts for customers who think about the environment. If you take public transportation or ride a bicycle to the whorehouse, then you can get a 5 euro discount (about $7.50) off your service! The brothel owner said they are rewarding these customers because times are hard and they are seeing a drop off of business because of the economy. Nobody is travelling for business anymore and the locals don’t come around as often. For those who are saving money with public transportation, they can also save money with their favourite hooker. And in case you didn’t know, prostitution is legal in Berlin.
I guess hoes want to go green too! Save the earth. Ride a hoe.
No Wedding Bells
A Louisiana justice of the peace refused to issue a marriage license for an interracial couple because he said he was worried about the children the couple might have in the future. He said it was his experience that interracial marriages do not last long and if they had any children, they would suffer. He insists that he is not a racist, but after having this discussion with white and black people, he has come to the conclusion that mixed children do not fit in well with black society and neither do they fit in well with white society. The couple will be filing a discrimination suit.
Uhm, is it 1963? I coulda swore it was 2009, but apparently we either went back in time or this is South Africa somewhere during the apartheid. Some of us, white and black, feel the sting of racism more than others do. Oh, wait, I forgot, he said he wasn’t racist. Whatever. Some of us live this daily, and others either go through life blindly or maybe it truly has never happened to them. When you see stuff like this, you can hardly believe it, but then again, it almost doesn’t surprise you. I’m just wondering how he thought he could actually get away with this unnoticed. You do know it’s against the law to deny a marriage license based on colour, right? Just in case you didn’t.
North Carolina, Anybody?
North Carolina could lose its appeal, if it ever had any, as a tourist attraction on October 29 after the state releases 20 very dangerous criminals based on an antiquated law. Some of the criminals were convicted of murder, rape and sexual assault of minors but they will be released because a law states that a life sentence is defined as 80 years. Most of these criminals have been denied parole repeatedly, but some earned good conduct credits which reduces the number of years they would have to spend in prison. One man raped a 15 year old girl after he had escaped from prison back in the 70s. Another woman murdered a state trooper while robbing a bank. There are 20 to be released and all but ONE was convicted of murder and/or rape. Law enforcement officials say that they hope these criminals have been rehabilitated but he doubts it, which is why they were given life sentences in the first place–because there is no hope for people like them. The state is still looking at a legal recourse, but so far, they have found nothing.
Well, I guess I won’t be visiting any of the southern states for awhile. Just because they are in prison in North Carolina, don’t mean they are going to stay there. Most of them will try to jump ship as soon as possible because they know that law enforcement will be keeping an eye on them. This is quite disturbing and once again our “humane” justice system is failing. I’m all for equal rights and whatever, but this is kind of ridiculous. Even if the law says eighty years, none of these people have been in jail for eighty years. If they had, they would all be dead. I can’t see how their “good conduct” credits count for them. If they want to be the letter of the law, then call me back at the end of eighty years.
Stepfather, and Not the Movie Either
A Florida man is under arrest on attempted murder charges after he shot his step-daughter’s boyfriend when caught the two of them having sex. The step-father went to the daughter’s room and saw her and the boyfriend having sex. Instead of confronting them right then and there, he closed the door and went back down stairs to get a .45. He came back upstairs, opened the door and started blazing. The boy was screaming, don’t shoot, don’t shoot, but the father shot him 4 times in the leg and hip while he was struggling to put his clothes back on. The kid managed to get out of the house and down the street where a neighbour called the police. When the father went to court, it was discovered that he also had assault and weapons charges in St. Croix, where he is from.
Just so you know, it is perfectly legal for a 16 year old to have sex with an 18 year old in the state of Florida, however, it may not be legal IN YOUR PARENTS’ HOME! Kids have sex, yeah, I know but seriously, at your house when your parents are home? Not a smart move. I feel sorry for everybody involved. Dumb girl for getting her boyfriend shot, dumb boy for getting shot and stupid daddy for overreacting. He should have just beat the kid up and threw him out the front door or something, but shooting him MULTIPLE TIMES, well, I hope you enjoy your 25 to life in prison. The boy will be crippled for life. The girl will be humiliated and the daddy is in jail. Have a nice life.
Celebrity News
TLC will sue John Gosselin for breach of contract, claiming that he makes unauthorised public disclosures about the show and appears on other shows for money when he is an exclusive employee of TLC. Even though he was fired from the show, he still made many appearances before he was fired. Yes, this public abortion is still on-going. TLC announced recently that Jon and Kate Plus Eight and any other version of the show, such as Kate Plus Eight will go off the air at the end of the month because Jon suddenly had an epiphany and thinks the show is bad for his children and the family. *rolls eyes* But apparently, he didn’t think snatching over $200,000 out of the family bank account was harmful for the children. Whateves. The judge made him give back most of the money after Kate went crying to national television that she can’t pay her bills. Now she will have to actually work like the rest of America to take care of the kids she claimed were crying because the camera crews were gone. Since daycare is outrageous these days, maybe she can ask the Octo-Mom to take care of them, since she obviously has some experience at exploiting multiple children.
For those of you who managed to be blissfully unaware of the Balloon Boy fiasco yesterday, it has been discovered that it was probably just a big publicity stunt. The family is freakish about science and they are always inventing things and doing crazy scientific experiments. The built some kind of hot air balloon that they will use to investigate extraterrestrials but it was alleged that the six year old unleashed the balloon that was tied to the house and jumped in it so he could go on his very own hot air balloon ride. His older brother claimed that he saw the younger one get in the balloon and this sparked a state wide search of flight paths and crop circles to look for the little brat. It turned out, he was hiding in the attic because “his father yelled at him.” When interviewed, the boy blurted out that it was “apart of the show.” Interviewers tried to further question him, but he clammed up and the daddy became “outraged” that such questions were even being asked. The family appeared on the show Wife Swap some time ago, and perhaps they are just media-hungry that they would pretend that their kid was floating away a mile above the earth. I bet if you slap their asses with some fines for the misuse of emergency personnel and services, they would keep all that scientific experimentation crap to themselves. They even had the national guard fly Blackhawks across farm land to look for him. Some people will do anything.
Today’s Thought
What is time? The shadow on the dial, the striking of the clock, the running of the sand, day and night, summer and winter, months, years, centuries–these are but arbitrary and outward signs, the measure of Time, not Time itself. Time is the Life of the soul. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Today is October 9th. This is the 282nd day of the year with 83 to go
Today’s History
In 1446, the Korean alphabet was first published.
In 1701, Yale University was chartered.
Today’s News
Trash Day
Police in Jacksonville, Florida discovered the body of a 71 year old woman under an 8 foot pile of garbage–in her home. Relatives called police after they hadn’t heard from the woman in a few weeks. The badly decomposed body and the stack of trash produced a stank so bad the officers could not stay in the home to even look for her body. They had to bring in the fire department which used their breathing gear and search dogs to unearth the body. No cause of death has been released.
See how people treat their relatives? This lady was in her seventies and no one knew she was living like that? Or they knew and didn’t say anything. That’s why they called the police instead of going over to the house to check on her. They didn’t want to wade through “unbelievable squalor,” as the police called it to see if she was all right. She had been dead for weeks. Sad.
Trick or Treat!
An Iowa family was leaving for work and school one morning when they opened the door to find a dead deer dressed up in a clown suit on their front porch. Authorities think it’s probably a prank since it’s almost Hallowe’en, but the family didn’t find Bambi dressed up in a wig and clown suit to be very amusing. Leaving a dead animal is illegal in Iowa. In another unrelated incident in Wisconsin, someone left a dead and decapitated moose on top of a public building. It is unclear whether someone brought the animal up there and killed it, or if it was killed someplace else and then dragged.
Okay, what’s up with the weird animal pranks? I hope you realise that killing animals is usually a sign of some serious psychosis. Think about it, neither a deer nor a moose is exactly a featherweight. I can’t imagine that it was in the slightest bit amusing to haul around an 800 pound moose to the top of a building. Who would take the time to do something so ridiculous?
New Category for Nobel Prize
As we all know there are five categories for the Nobel Prize: Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Literature and Peace. Of course, you know by now that U.S. President Barack Obama has been awarded with the Peace Prize. A Taliban spokesman has suggested that Obama receive a prize for violence since he has “escalated violence and killed civillians.”
Uhm, yeah, so I don’t think that’s what Alfred Nobel had in mind, but we do thank you for your suggestion.
Celebrity News
The Duggar family, the midwestern family with all those damn kids, announced the birth of their first grandchild this morning. Their eldest son Josh was married last year, and he and his wife welcomed their daughter Mackynzie Duggar. The Duggar patriarch and matriarch have 18 children in all, with the last one being born in December. They announced in September that number 19 will be here by spring.
I hope you all know that this is a secret plan for them to take over the world. They will have as many children as earthly possible until the entire earth is filled with Duggars. If these 18 children have 18 children each, and those 18 children have 18 children each and this continues then the Duggar family will exceed the population of the earth in eight generations. The rest of us will have no choice but to marry one of them. Before you know it, we will all be members of the Duggar clan! Earth will be renamed Duggeropia.
Today’s Thought
The world is divided into people who think they are right. –Anonymous
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