We were laying around in the barracks awaiting further orders. Because it’s Sunday of a long weekend there isn’t much for us to do. Any civilian instructors and full timers around here are off, leaving us to twiddle our thumbs looking for something to do.
I was dozing, half asleep, when I happened to overhear: “So when we fly to Kuwait, will we have to fly over the water?” I started to laugh because I knew the person who had asked the question was across the divider and wouldn’t be able to see me. Someone responded, “D’uh!” Then the girl said, “Is it Lake Pacific Ocean? Will we be flying over Lake Pacific Ocean.”
Lake Pacific Ocean?
Hmmm. Haven’t heard of that body of water. That must be something new. And for the record, we’ll be flying over the Atlantic. Yeah.
Granted, the Middle East does appear to be this foreign, exotic land that nobody has heard of, but the fact is that we’ve been over there for 10+ years. It’s kinda unacceptable not to know where these places are, especially since you will be going there. Wouldn’t you look at a map to know where you’re being sent? I don’t know. I guess that’s just me.
I am here, safe and sound. We’re pretty much settled in and situated with all of our crap. They just keep giving us more and more gear. I don’t know where they think all of this shit is about to fit. They really had the nerve to issue us EXTREME COLD WEATHER GEAR. In case you did not know, it is well over 100 degrees outside. There is not one cloud to give any sort of relief. Everything is dried up and dead. Somehow I doubt that I will need extreme cold weather gear… even in the dead of winter, but I cannot argue with their logic.
Everything on this base is gi-normous. They were not playing when they said that everything is bigger in Texas. It takes like an hour to get anywhere on the damn base. We were making jokes about the bus breaking down and then we would have to march somewhere. Seriously, it is not a joke though. The heat is crucial and then they are not allowing us to carry bags anywhere because of what happened here. It’s really sad but I’m not sure this is the proper reaction. We have to carry around all this stuff but we can’t have a bag. It’s like that, so I guess I’ll just deal.
Other than that, the food is mediocre. It isn’t as bad as AP Hill. Some of the stuff is halfway decent. Other stuff, not so much. I did remember to bring spices and chili sauce. I guess I’ll be okay for now. I asked for this, so if I can’t stand the heat, I’d better get out of the kitchen.
Have you ever met a person and just knew right out of the bad that they were sad and lonely, and that because of this their sole purpose in life was to make everyone else sad and lonely?
Today I met the adult version of Charlie Brown. Okay, this man may be vastly smarter than Charlie, but he is just as sad and lonely, just as screwed up in the head, desperately trying to fit his square self in to a round peg. The poor dear. You want to weep for him but you’d rather just punch him in the face. It is unfortunate that I may have to cultivate an intimate relationship with Charlie. I had hoped to keep my distance but he is a person who has to have a finger in every pot. I think it satisfies the misery he felt when he couldn’t find a date to the school prom.
High school was a lifetime ago, Charlie. Let it go.
Yesterday began day 1 of Operation: WTF, my adventure to a mysterious part of the universe. I am attached to a new unit for the duration of the mission that will cease 400 days hence. It boggles the mind that I actually volunteered for this, but people are motivated by different mechanisms. There is usually no rhyme or reason to the madness. Just go with the flow.
So I have learned my first lesson of this mission, and that is I should take care of myself. Of course, throughout my entire adult life I have been taking care of myself because I’ve noticed that no one will coddle me like me. Basically, no one gives a shit about me. It’s just me and my imaginary friend Claire. I dragged her along for the ride and she’s pissed at me right now.
I should be wary of false and deliberate miscommunication. I should watch out for complete disinterest and a thorough lack of caring. I must also brace myself for abject stupidity and an unabashed idiocy that even Forrest Gump would be ashamed. It’s that bad. At any rate, I’ll try to keep you abreast of my newest adventure. I hope that you will journey along with me and keep me company. If not, oh well, I am getting paid just the same.
We have three desk calendars at work dedicated to trivia. We have a Jeopardy! calendar, a general trivia calendar and a calendar that gives you clues and you have to guess what the answer is based off the clues. It has become a big thing in the office and we look forward to it everyday.
So today’s question on the general trivia calendar was:
What was the second half of Moses’ demand to Pharaoh, “let my people go.”
None of us even know there was a second half of the command. We all started guessing. My boss said it might have something to do with the plagues. One co-worker said it was probably a statement about the wrath of God.
This guy in the office next to us sometimes participates in the trivia if he is around. He is a very quiet guy. He stood up and said asked me to repeat the question. I did. He thought about it a moment, and I really thought he was about to say something serious and then he said,
Let my people go, MOTHER FUCKER!
Everybody busted out laughing. Yes, we know it is blasphemous. Sure, but it was HILARIOUS because it was unexpected and he is not really the type of guy to say something like that.
Anyway, I thought it was funny and I guess it’s one of those things you had to have been there.
For the record, the correct answer is:
Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness
I just read on CNN that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are expecting a baby. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or throw up. It’s not that I’m against older women marrying younger men, or older men marrying younger men, it’s just that they seem very gross together. While Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher seem to go well together like bread and butter, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey are like ketchup and jelly.
So, there had been this disgusting rotten smell in my house for the past three days that was driving me crazy. I could not figure out what it was. I took out the trash. I cleaned the drain in the sink. I cleaned out the refrigerator and threw away any old food. I mopped. I cleaned the bathroom. I burned incense. I did everything I could to get rid of that smell. It smelled like old trash, but since I had taken the trash out, I just couldn’t figure it out.
Last night, I finally discovered the source of the smell. Two oranges had fallen behind the refrigerator and had gone bad. You know, the smell was strongest by the refrigerator and I thought it was something in the refrigerator. I don’t usually keep food past its prime, but you know, sometimes things leave behind an odour. So I cleaned the fridge, top to bottom with bleach and baking soda but still the smell lingered.
Damn oranges. I did wonder what happened to the oranges. I keep them in a fruit bowl on top of the fridge. Somehow they must have rolled away. I was planning on eating them things too.