Cubicle Death #11: Random Office Conversations

So, I’ve already talked about what you shouldn’t wear in the office, but I don’t think I’ve ever covered what you shouldn’t say in the office.

Let’s go over some random conversations I happened overhear during my meander through the hallways.

Yeah, if you would have been a good boy you would have gotten laid.
-Older frumpy woman with bad haircut and 1990s bangs

I was coming from the cafeteria when I heard that one.

Girl to co-worker as she is dialling on the phone:  Yeah, he called me a slut!
Person on phone:  [unintelligible]
Girl:  Oh, no, not you.  Wow.  I didn’t know the phone call would go through that fast.

I was sitting at my desk listening to two women talk about some guy they work with.

My wife said she wants to get breast implants, but I’m not sure if I like that.  Maybe if she gets a triple E.
-Man in stairwell

I was on my way outside for some fresh air, when I overheard this man in the stairwell talking to two other guys and some lady.  Seriously, these are three random conversations I happened upon.

Of course, there are certain conversations that don’t belong in the office, but even if your conversation is totally appropriate, you may want to consider whether you should speak at all.  Sometimes the very sound of your voice can be annoying to your co-workers.  Repeating things nonsensically or talking in an unnecessarily loud voice should be avoided at all costs.

In my office there are there offices if you understand what I’m saying.  Like I said, it’s just a huge ass room with some cubicles in it, but different sections represent different departments.  In the department across from mine is an annoying asshole who likes to repeat idiotic things over and over in an unnecessarily loud obnoxious voice.

For example:

Joran van der Sloot is verrrrrrrrrrrrrry bad.

[two minutes later]

Joran van der Sloot is verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry bad.

[one minute later]

Joran van der Sloot is reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly bad.

[two minutes later]

The FBI is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

[a minute later]

I wanna be compensated by BP.

[two minutes later]

I want some money from BP.

[30 seconds later]

Can I get some money from BP.

One of my co-workers, a mild-mannered older gentleman turned around and said, “Why the hell is he continually repeating himself over and over?  I want him to shut up!”

We have flat screen TVs in the office with a news channel on, and you know the top stories in the news right now are Joran van der Sloot (The Natalee Holloway guy) and the BP oil spill gusher.  We already hear from the news what is going on, do we need an echo in here?  I don’t think so.

Please do not be an annoying co-worker or someone like me might blog about you and say really bad things about you like, “Please die at your earliest possible convenience.  Thanks, management.”