Operation: GTFO (Day 215)

Post Paris Depression

I'm not in Paris anymore.

I’m not in Paris anymore.

I’ve been back from leave for about 14 days now.  A commenter on Trip Advisor asked me how I was getting along with my “post-Paris depression.”  I think that is the exact disease from which I’m suffering.  With a little bit of I don’t give a shit-itis.  This is precisely what happened to me during the last deployment when I came back from R&R—my ability to care about anything went from 0 to -15.  I would say that I’m sitting at a solid -20.

Of course it did not help that my battle buddy went on leave the day I got back.  I swear to God, I never thought it humanly possible to miss somebody so much, and we ain’t family or in love!  It’s just sitting in this office for a week straight with these two lunatics just really wore on my nerves.  It’s lucky they do have conversation or I would have committed suicide.  It’s just that they have a lot of issues.  Sometimes I feel like I’m having a conversation with a schizophrenic and/or my grandfather.

I suffered through a set of meetings where I realized that I don’t actually like any of these people.  No, let me take that back.  I’ve known since jump I didn’t like these people.  I think I realized how intensely I don’t like these people.  I remarked to Higher that I found it amazing his ability to deal with all these personalities.  I find it taxing to work with people I consider to be idiots.  He has loads more experience than I do, and maybe one day when I grow up I’ll learn how to function in a society full of buffoons.

The face you make when someone asks you to sit in on yet another meeting.

The face you make when someone asks you to sit in on yet another meeting.

In the last meeting, they thought I was taking notes.  Instead I was planning my post-deployment leave.  Thanks to PDRMA, I might get a week extra of leave.  An initial calculation puts me at 22 days.  I don’t believe anything until it’s in writing, so I’m going to assume I only have two weeks left.  I’m going to take a whirlwind tour of France and the UK.  I want to visit the Champagne region because I never got around to it during my initial leave.  Then I’m going to Paris again, then on to London for a week.

I already plotted out my entire itinerary based on 14 days.  I’m flying Space A into Ramstein and out of Mildenhall.  The only thing I really need are the dates.  Since there’s no way of actually knowing when the fuck I will be paroled from this misery, I will just have to wing it.  I figure I will have a better idea once I actually get on a plane.  Last time it only took me 2.5 days to escape Fort Hood.  It might be last minute and more expensive, but it is better than nothing.

It’s just giving me something to look forward.  For whatever reason going home is not enough of a motivator.  Maybe because there isn’t anything back there waiting for me, and I feel like it would be more of the same old-same old.  Really, I’m on the verge of just quitting everything and becoming one of these Bohemians that work their way around the world doing whatever the fuck they want.

I don't see what's wrong with this lifestyle.

I don’t see what’s wrong with this lifestyle.

I am going to take a page from my battle’s book and backpack—not in the traditional sense, though.  I’m too old for that.  But I might stay in a hostel in Paris because it’ll be so last minute, but when I get to London I’m doing my luxury route.  I’ll consider Scotland if I end up having these 20 days these people claim I’ll have.

Based on an arbitrary calculation I think I have nine more Sundays left.  I think this is the best way to think of it.  Higher said, “We have four paychecks left.”  Who the fuck wants to count dwindling paychecks?  Yeah, almost all of us are going back to jobs so it’s not like we won’t be getting paid ever again, but I can’t be like, “Four paychecks till I stop getting double paychecks.”  Someone else tried to count in hours.  Someone said, “Yeah, I did the calculation and it’s like 2100 more hours.”  I don’t know how accurate the calculation is but seriously, do you really want to count two-thousand, one-hundred, fifty-six hours, nineteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds?  Uh.  Nope.

Forget counting days too.  If I go with the rough estimate of nine weeks, then that’s like 63 days.  That’s still too much.  Nine Sundays sounds more reasonable and it doesn’t seem like a long time.

Daily News December 18

Today is Friday, December 18, 2009.  It is the 352nd day of the year with 13 to go.

Today’s History

In 1865, the 13th Amendment to the Constitution, abolishing slavery, was declared in effect by the Secretary of State.
In 1940, Adolf Hitler ordered secret preparations for Nazi Germany to invade the Soviet Union.

Today’s News

Staring Off Young
A 4 year old Tennessee boy had to be taken to a hospital and treated for alcohol consumption after he was found wandering his neighbourhood drunk.  The boy, dressed in a little girl’s dress he had stolen from under a neighbour’s Christmas tree, had been drinking beer all night because he “wants to go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.”  The boy’s 21 year old mother is in the middle of a divorce from the father.  She said she spoke with Child Protective Services and they will allow her to keep custody of her son.

I need to understand several things about this story.  Where did the boy get the beer from?  How did he get into a neighbour’s house to steal the dress?  Who called the police?  Did the mother know where her child was?  The boy is four, not 12.  You can already tell what kind of home this is if a toddler has an idea of getting trashed in the streets so he can be in jail like his daddy.  Real nice.

Divorce:  The Perfect Christmas Gift
If you have no idea what to get your loved ones this holiday season, why not give them a divorce?  A London law firm is offering Christmas gift vouchers for divorce advice this holiday season.  The firm normally charges approximately $530 an hour for divorces, but the Christmas voucher will knock the price down to less than half.  Sixty divorce vouchers have already been sold, and the firm said there has been a very healthy response.  A church leader finds the very idea sad, since “divorce is a personal matter and not suitable for a gift.”  The attorneys at the law firm think otherwise; Christmas is always very stressful for families and this is usually a time people start thinking about divorce.

This just speaks volumes into our society.  How would you feel if your husband or wife gave you a divorce voucher on Christmas morning?  What if you got the gift from a friend?  Or your parents? 

Whatever It Takes
A Chinese trucker was so worried about falling behind in his delivery schedule, that he decided he would do whatever it took to keep him on the road.  He had no money to have his shattered windshield replaced, so he decided to put a cardboard box over the space and keep on trucking.  The man drove approximately 500 miles with the cardboard covering up the windshield.  In order to see, he stuck his head out the side window.  Unfortunately, the sub zero temperatures froze one of his eyes shut.  He was spotted by a policeman, pulled over and arrested.  The man’s face was a dark shade of blue from the severe temperatures.

Okay, I know we’re all worried about our jobs and most of us will do anything to hang on to them, but does this even look like a reasonable solution?  Since he was hanging his head out the window anyway, I would have just left the windshield open, put something around my head to keep from freezing to death and put on some glasses or goggles.  He might have been able to get away without a windshield; somebody might not notice, but they will notice a truck driving down the street with some cardboard. 

Pain in the Ass
A 19 year old Chinese student checked into a hospital complaining about a pain in his rear end.  Doctors began their examination and found minimal injury to his anus, but otherwise could not find the source of his agony.  After taking X-rays, doctors discovered that the man had a TV remote lodged up his ass.  Apparently, the young man had been drinking with friends in his apartment and as part of a prank, they shoved the remote up his butt when he fell asleep. 

Nice friends.  Guess you’ll be more careful about who you get trashed with next time.  Or was this a cover up for something a little wilder? 

I Don’t Practise Santeria
A Brazilian stepfather has confessed to jabbing 42 needles into the body of a 2 year old boy.  The man stated that his girlfriend gave him instructions through trances in a month-long ritual.  The girlfriend paid to have the needles blessed by a woman who practises a Candomble, an Afro-Brazilian religion.  According to her, sticking needles in the boy would help them be together, but officials believe it may have been out of revenge on the mother of the child.  The father said he was the one who stuck the boy, but he was under the influence of the woman.  Both have been arrested.  The boy is still in the hospital because two of the needles are close to his heart and the doctors are not sure if they can remove them.  The boy’s mother brought him to the hospital after he began complaining that he was in pain.  Since there were needles in his lung and legs, doctors figured there was no way he could have swallowed them by accident.  Already people in Brazil have a problem with the Afro-Brazilian religions.  When the step-father and girlfriend were arrested, hundreds showed up to riot against them at the police station.

Today’s Thought

No one worth possessing can be quite possessed.  ~Sara Teasdale